


'tis the damn season.

by wandererghost



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandererghost/pseuds/wandererghost
Summary: ...And the ones that hurt the most, the ones that were given to her by the same girl with auburn hair, kisses that could be so delicate and innocent but were interrupted by laughter, kisses and touches that were not so innocent in the middle of the night and still lingered in the back of Josie’s mind even after 5 years…Yeah, Josie still couldn’t go back to those memories without feeling miserable.And the worst of all, it was all coming back to her since she drove past the Mystic Falls sign and was getting closer and closer to the town.orJosie goes back to Mystic Falls for the holidays... What she didn't know though was that Hope, her ex-girlfriend who she had broken up with 5 years ago, was back in Mystic Falls as well.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 48
Kudos: 215





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi there, I just want to say that I was listening to folklore and evermore and well this happened.  
> hope you like it!

Josie had thought about coming back to Mystic Falls many times before in the last 5 years since she had decided to leave it all behind her. 

Of course she did, her parents lived there and she knew she had to stop rejecting their invitations every holiday, it was becoming too rude of her. 

After all, her family home was still there. All her childhood memories. All her teenage memories. So, so many memories all around her hometown. 

And that was the main problem. 

Because even though those memories could be of unstoppable laughters in the middle of a class, Midnights wearing baggy sweaters with her hair in a bun while walking or driving around town next to the most beautiful girl with auburn hair which occasionally graced Josie’s cheek thanks to the breeze. Also, midnight cozy parties in the woods with her friends. Afternoons spent in the lake while getting drunk and sometimes, when they were all feeling restless, even high. Many group hugs. Many kisses. 

Forehead kisses from her mom.

Temple kisses from her twin whenever she was having a rough day. 

Kisses that were blown to her as greetings from her friends. 

And the ones that hurt the most, the ones that were given to her by the same girl with auburn hair, kisses that could be so delicate and innocent but were interrupted by laughter, kisses and touches that were not so innocent in the middle of the night and still lingered in the back of Josie’s mind even after 5 years… 

Yeah, Josie still couldn’t go back to those memories without feeling miserable. 

And the worst of all, it was all coming back to her since she drove past the Mystic Falls sign and was getting closer and closer to the town. 

The coffee shop when she first saw her, _‘’Mom, I really like her red hair, can we go say hi? I want to know if it’s real’’_

The groceries store days later, _‘’I keep seeing you around, so this is me asking you to perhaps be my friend?’’_

_The auburn haired girl had shyly smiled and said: ‘’I’m not really good at having friends’’_

_‘’Let me be the judge of that’’ 8 year old Josie had said with a confident smile. ‘’I’m Josie but you already knew that’’_

_‘’Hope, but you already knew that’’_

Then, a few years later, when they were 13 and 14 years old and nightfall was already upon them while they were walking back home after an afternoon in the lake, _‘’You know you’re my best friend, right?’’ Hope had asked and Josie just nodded, hugging herself, feeling sad even though those words should only make her happy._

_‘’Okay, good" Hope took a deep breath and then, if it had been practiced before, she added, "So you know I won’t lie to you. I’m relieved that your parents are finally acknowledging their issues. I know how much the fact that your dad’s not around has been affecting you. And all the fights, all of the yelling when he is… I know, Josie. So I’m relieved because even though it might all seem difficult right now, it’ll get better eventually. Maybe some people are not meant to be together just because they have children and I think you’ve always known that as well’’_

_Josie had nodded because yes, she had always known her parents weren’t good for each other. They weren’t even in love. So she nodded and slightly wiped a tear out of her eye, ‘’I know’’ Josie had said with a weak smile before reaching for Hope’s hand and intertwining their fingers. ‘’For someone who had claimed to be not good with friends, you’re definitely the best one I could've ever asked for’’_

Josie huffed and rolled her eyes, she didn’t need to keep breaking her own heart by reliving the past. She thought she had left it all behind when she moved away from Mystic Falls, but truth be told, Josie hasn’t been back for 5 years, hasn’t thought too much about it all in since then, so being back was forcefully bringing everything to the surface, demanding attention.

Her momentary trip to the past was cut short when her phone started ringing, getting her out of her own mind. A smile spreading on her lips when she saw the caller’s ID. 

‘’You know? I’m feeling kind of offended right now because you didn’t even tell me you were coming back home today. I had to find out because mom casually mentioned it to me a few minutes ago!’’ Lizzie’s voice immediately came through her car’s speakers once she accepted the call.

Josie chuckled and rolled her eyes. ‘’I kind of wanted it to be a surprise?’’ 

‘’You could’ve surprised literally anyone else but not me, Jo!’’ She whined. Josie could perfectly imagine her frown ‘’I’m your twin, I should know where you are at all times’’

‘’That's a bit stalkery much?’’ She cringed, remembering how they used to check up on each other all the time when they were younger. ‘’I thought we had left our codependency days in the past?’’

‘’Well, we did. But still, I was just texting you yesterday and you didn’t even mention it! I’m still offended.’’

‘’Don’t be such a drama queen’’ She rolled her eyes. ‘’I thought we had left that in the past as well’’ 

‘’Well Jo, you left a lot of things in the past but you’re coming back to it. Literally. So don’t complain too much when it comes back to slap you in the face, sister dearest’’ Lizzie's voice was careful, Josie could almost see her raising an eyebrow and looking at her as if waiting for Josie to take the hint.

Josie frowned and held her breath, still not able to figure out what Lizzie was trying to subtly say. ‘’...What do you mean?’’

‘’Anyways’’ Lizzie dragged out the word and then sighed. ‘’Where are you right now? Are you close?’’ 

‘’Yeah I’m a few minutes away. I’ll be there in a few’’ Josie could already feel herself slowly starting to panic. Her gut telling her that something was definitely up. 

‘’Why?’’ She added after a moment with a shakily exhale.

‘’Don’t come to the house just yet’’ Lizzie said in a rush, she could perfectly hear some keys and muffled voices in the background. ‘’I want to talk to you first’’

‘’What? Why?’’ Josie immediately pulled over, her mind already looking for a reason as to what could've gone wrong since she last talked to her mom literally an hour ago. 

‘’Just meet me in the coffee shop, will you? I'll just grab my purse and I’ll be heading that way so just wait for me there, okay?’’ She said, weary. Her careful tone doing nothing but aggravate Josie’s panic. ‘’Jo, please’’

Josie took a deep breath, readying herself for whatever bad news she was obviously about to get. ‘’What’s going on Lizzie?’’ She tightly gripped the steering wheel while her eyes stayed glued to her phone screen, waiting for Lizzie’s voice to fill the car again through the speakers. 

‘’Nothing bad, I promise’’ Lizzie reassured her with a calm but dismissive tone. ‘’But maybe if you had told me you were coming back home, I would’ve had more time to warn you so honestly, it’s kind of your fault if you think about it’’ She trailed off.

‘’Warn me about what?’’

‘’You’re not the only one that’s coming home this weekend, Jo’’ She sighed. Neither of them made a sound for a while. ‘’So please, don’t come to the house just yet. I’ll meet you in a few minutes. Order me my usual coffee and oh, same table!’’ She added before hanging up.

_You’re not the only one that’s coming home this weekend._

Even though Lizzie had hung up, Josie remained staring at her phone screen. Not really processing anything other than her beating heart which was rapidly picking up speed while realization was finally hitting her. 

Not the only one coming home. Not the only one. Not-

_No_. 

Lizzie wouldn’t be keeping her away from home and acting all mysterious and suspicious about someone else coming back -or already there- if it weren’t for-

Josie closed her eyes and gripped the steering wheel harder, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to spill out but to no avail. She told herself a long, long time ago that she wouldn’t keep crying over _her_. Over someone that shattered her heart and left it in pieces.

Still, the mere thought of Hope being back home and near Josie again was enough to make her heart go wild and her palms sweat, enough to make her hands shake and itch to just start the car again and drive towards Hope, see her, touch her, make sure she was real and not just a memory that came with a heavy feeling in her chest. 

Although, the urge to turn around the car and drive as far away from Mystic Falls as possible was equally starting to grow on her. 

Josie took another deep breath and tried to collect herself, if Hope was truly back home then there was no way she was going to see Josie affected by it. Nope. Josie won’t allow it. She won’t give Hope the satisfaction of seeing her conflicted by her arrival.

It was okay. It was fine. Honestly, it wasn't such a big deal, it was just her ex-girlfriend whom she hadn't seen or talked to in 5 years.

All good.

* * *

_It had been hard pretending not to love her._

_Pretending not to be in love with her everytime that Hope would hug her and her hug lingered longer than it should. Everytime that they caught themselves staring at each other, and Josie had to look away in fear of letting her feelings take over and do something stupid like kiss her._

_It had been hard watching Hope flirt with other people right in front of her and pretending that it didn't affect Josie at all._

_And it had been hard letting Rafael kiss her just because she thought she was attracted to him instead of actually acknowledging the truth: she was in love with her best friend._

_And it was killing her._

_It was killing her the fact that Hope's touches and stares kept on lingering, that sometimes she seemed flustered whenever Josie was too close to her or said something that was only supposed to be joking but bordelined on flirting as well._

_So much so that she wasn't sure if she was stepping over the lines of friendship anymore. She and Hope had been close to blurring those lines anyway with the way that their friendship was lately._

_It was keeping Josie awake at nights, thinking about what ifs: "What if it's all in my head?" "But what if it isn't?" "What could happen if I kiss her?" "What if I kiss her and she tells me that she doesn't want to keep being my friend anymore?" "What if she stops being my friend because of it?"_

_So many what ifs filled her head for so long._

_But they stopped one day, for they were no longer necessary after one night, Hope stormed into her room out of nowhere, scaring Josie by pacing back and forth. It wasn't unusual that the Mikaelson girl would let herself into the house, by now it was expected to see Hope in it everyday. What was unusual to Josie though, was her restlessness._

_"Hope, are you okay?" She asked, standing up from the bed and walking up to her._

_"Did you know that my parents think we're dating?" Hope chuckled. her eyes were wild and she couldn't stop smiling._

_Josie's heart started beating too fast and suddenly, swallowing seemed too hard. "They do?"_

_"Yeah. We were having dinner and you know talking, when my dad suddenly asks me how's my girlfriend doing", She stops her pacing to look at Josie with an incredulous expression on her face._

_"Oh"_

_"I know right. You know how cocky he gets sometimes when he wants to know something. He acts like he already knows it and all of your secrets. Which is a great strategy now that I think about it" She laughed, switching her weight from one leg to the other. "So anyways, I asked what he meant because as far as I knew, I didn't have a girlfriend"_

_Hope started to walk around Josie's room now, touching every trinket or book she could find. Not really looking at Josie._

_"And he said and I quote: Well, as far as I know you're dating Josette, aren't you?" Hope continued. Her voice was shakily and nervous._

_Josie could tell that she was having a tough time keeping still._

_"Then my mom comes in and says, and I quote again: Don't be silly. She's not dating Josie" Hope chuckles, as if recalling the memory._

_"Ah, well then your mom didn't think so" Josie added, she could feel her heart beating too fucking loud and the butterflies in her stomach turning into a whole zoo._

_"No no, I'm not finished yet" Hope chuckled. "My mom then says: I know my daughter, do you see her all jittery? Then my dad looks at me, and I must say that I was jittery indeed, I think I still am. But that's besides the point. My mom continues and says: That's because what you said is scandalous to her"_

_Oh._

_Josie's heart dropped to the floor the moment she heard that, but she pretended it didn't affect her. After all, she was getting good with all the pretending she had been doing._

_"Oh" She said, just to fill the silence. Hope still wasn't looking at her, instead, she was walking to Josie's bookshelf._

_"Wait, I'm still not finished yet" She muttered. "I don't know why I think that they planned that whole conversation just to get the truth out of me, but anyways then my mom says…"_

_Hope turned around and started pulling the sleeves of her black sweater, a habit Josie's seen her do every time she was way too nervous. She cleared her throat and bit her lip before saying: "Uh, so my mom says, and I quote again: That's because she's still summoning the courage to tell Josie that she's in love with her"_

_Hope drew her eyes to the ground and kept them there. "So you see, my mom's never wrong so…"_

_Few minutes ago Josie could've sworn she was paralyzed and won't be able to move even if she wanted to, but after hearing what Hope said, all of her energy was restored and she felt like the adrenaline might just give her a heart attack, still, she slowly walked up to her._

_She loved how she was able to see this rare version of Hope. The one where she was jittery and jumpy and awkward just because she was nervous. So Josie reminded herself to be gentle and searched for her eyes._

_"May I kiss you?" Josie asked, her heart in her throat._

_All traces of jittery Hope disappeared the moment her brain registered what Josie had said and she lunged forward, tangling her hands on Josie's hair and connecting their lips._

* * *

When Lizzie came into the coffee shop, Josie was already nursing her third cup, absentmindedly staring at the window and noticing how the floors and buildings in front of her were already covered in a thin layer of snow. 

‘’Well, you look as I last saw you’’ Lizzie greeted with a smile, leaving her coat on the back of the chair before gracefully sitting down. 

Josie didn’t bother to turn her head to look at her, she had seen Lizzie just a few weeks ago when Lizzie had gone to New York to make a surprise visit, so instead Josie just shrugged and took another sip. ‘’I forgot to order your usual’’

‘’Josie! You had one job!’’ She dramatically complained. ‘’Now I have to go get it myself?’’

‘’Well’’ Josie turned her head and looked at Lizzie, setting her almost empty cup of coffee on the table and then crossing her arms. ‘’You should’ve told me earlier that _Hope_ was coming to Mystic Falls’’ 

Even saying her name made Josie want to get on her car and drive (not so sure yet if towards her or very away from her)

Lizzie shyly laughed and cleared her throat. ‘’More like already here but ha! Technicalities, right?’’ She shrugged. ‘’Um, I’ll go get my coffee now’’

‘’ _No_ ’’ Josie reached out and gently grabbed her sister’s wrist, successfully stopping her from getting up from their table. ‘’How could you not tell me earlier? You know how much…’’ She trailed off and looked away, ashamed to admit how much Hope still affected her even after 5 years.

‘’I literally just found out’’ Lizzie pouted but Josie just frowned and glared at her. ‘’Seriously! Mom and I were coming back from grocery shopping and Hope was just there, unloading some bags from her car right next to our driveway’’ 

Josie released her sister’s wrist and went back to cross her arms. ‘’Did you talk to her?’’

She nodded. ‘’Yeah. She’s staying for the weekend too. After all, New Year’s on sunday, Jo... it’s thursday. It’d be weird if she came back only for her to leave right before New Years’’ 

Josie huffed. ‘’Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if she suddenly decided to leave’’ 

‘’Josie…’’ Lizzie pouted again. ‘’You know she never left your side since the very first day she met you’’

‘’Except that one time when she did and never looked back, Liz’’ She swallowed, an uncomfortable lump growing in her throat.

Lizzie slowly nodded. ‘’Well, you don't actually know her reasons for-’’ She carefully raised an eyebrow.

Josie frowned and glared at her again. ‘’And you do, then? What side are you on?’’

‘’No one’s, you know that!’’ She pursed her lips and gestured for the waitress to come over. ‘’Besides, she’s not Landon, now that guy was excellent at leaving people behind for no reason and honestly I-’’

‘’Lizzie’’ Josie hissed, effectively shutting her up when she saw the waitress standing by their table, looking at Lizzie with an amused expression. 

‘’Ah hi there, finally! I’ll have my usual please’’ Lizzie innocently smiled. The waitress nodded with a frown and went back behind the counter.

"Can we just not talk about this now?" Josie cringed and sunk into her chair, pouting. 

"Okay, okay" Lizzie nodded enthusiastically and clasped her hands. "But be warned, when mom saw Hope by the driveway today, she invited her for dinner tonight and Hope said yes" She said nonchalantly.

Josie sat up straighter in a second. "She did _what_ now?" 

"Yeah" Lizzie cringed. "But don't blame her either!" She added once she saw Josie's angered glare. "Mom didn't know that you were coming back today either, she thought you wouldn't at all. Like, you know... Every other holiday" 

"But-"

"Then you called her an hour ago and randomly accepted to come home for New Years, and not only accepted but that you were on your way and well…" She trailed off. "Emergency meeting…" She glanced at the waitress that was setting Lizzie's coffee on the table. "Over coffee" Lizzie shrugged and smiled at the waitress, as if it wasn't such a big deal. 

Josie waited until the waitress walked away from their table and sunk again on the chair, crossing her arms. "But I didn't know Hope was also coming home, I thought she wouldn't set a foot near Mystic Falls again" 

Lizzie looked up from pouring too much sugar on her coffee and frowned. "Uh, yeah well Hope's been coming back to Mystic Falls for the holidays since, I think, 3 years ago"

"What?"

"Yeah…" Lizzie took a sip of her coffee and looked at Josie, pouting. "I think I should also add that this time…" She trailed off, unsure. 

"This time what?"

"She brought someone with her"

* * *

_Hope was staring at her, furrowing her brow. ‘’What are you thinking about?’’ She asked, her voice a bit worried._

_The sun was starting to rise and the sky was displaying a beautiful variety of pastel colors, it was still cold outside though and the windows in her room were fogged. Actually the whole house had been feeling a lot cold lately. Mostly in the mornings. Way more since her dad left them and it was just her mom, Lizzie and her._

_The house would feel cold and empty and Josie hated it so much, it seemed like the damn heater was malfunctioning but that wasn’t the case. She had checked many times before to see if that was actually the problem, but it wasn’t. It was her dad leaving them, leaving their home cold._

_Josie stopped looking at the window to stare back at Hope, squeezing her in her arms and enjoying the feeling of their naked bodies tangled together under the sheets._

_Her house might feel cold now but were moments like these, with Hope, that Josie was familiar again with the heat._

_The house, her room, her bed… They were always the warmest everytime Hope was in it._

_‘’I love you’’ Josie whispered, staring directly at Hope’s eyes, trying to convey all the weight of those three words and how much she meant it._

_It wasn’t the first time they had said those words before. After all, they have been dating for a year and a half now, but everytime she did, it felt just like it. Her heart beating too fast and the butterflies in her stomach turning into a damn zoo._

_Hope smiled, the kind of smile that made her eyes turn into two little half-moons. Josie loved that too._

_‘’I love you too, Jo’’ She whispered back before swiftly kissing her. ‘’But seriously, you have this look on your face, what’s going on in that head of yours?’’_

_Josie pouted and looked away. ‘’Promise me you won’t get tired or bored of me and… leave me in the cold afterwards?’’ She asked, tears pooling in her eyes._

_Hope immediately frowned and adjusted herself to better look at Josie. She brought a hand to Josie’s face, gently wiping a few tears from her cheeks. ‘’Listen to me’’ She started. Her voice sweet yet firm. ‘’I could never get neither tired nor bored of you, okay? Ever’’ She slowly traced her eyes all over Josie’s face before setting on looking straight at her eyes. She visibly swallowed._

_Josie nodded, feeling her chest bloom with heat and a sense of calmness and security while being under Hope’s arms._

_‘’But you know that already. So, what’s this really about?’’ She raised an eyebrow._

_Josie looked away once again but a finger under her chin made her look back at Hope. ‘’My dad’’ She shrugged, easily opening her heart to the girl on top of her._

_Hope pursed her lips. ‘’It’s okay if you still love him, you know? If you still want him to be back’’_

_Josie pouted, feeling some more tears spilling out. Tears that Hope quickly wiped away_

_‘’But I just want to remind you that he left because grief consumed him. And maybe…’’ She trailed off, pursing her lips again. ‘’Maybe all of this reminded him about the life he couldn’t get to have with your bio-mom… You know how much it deeply affected him. But he didn’t leave because of you or because he got tired or bored of you and Lizzie, okay?’’ Josie stayed in silence, staring at Hope’s mouth with a pout on her own_

_‘’Okay?’’ Hope repeated, firmer this time._

_‘’Okay’’ She slowly nodded, drawing her eyes back to Hope’s. ‘’I really do love you’’ She whispered, more to herself than to Hope, but Hope caught it anyway and her cheeks blushed a deep red._

_‘’I’m not him, Jo. I won’t leave you. I can’t even imagine myself being with someone else but you’’ She sighed and shyly bit her lip. ‘’You’re my person’’_

* * *

It was decidedly _not_ fine. 

Not at all. 

Up until now, Josie just knew that Hope was in the same town as her after so many years. But knowing it and actually seeing it were two very different things.

And things started to get real once she had seen Hope's car parked on the driveway of the Mikaelson's house. Right next to hers. 

Goddammit, why did they have to be neighbors? Why couldn't they live far away from each other and not run into one another eventually? 

It’s okay, it’s fine. It’s not like Josie had stayed away for 5 years just so she could avoid all of this drama. Nope. She didn’t stay away because of it. Pft. 

...Except that it wasn’t fine and she knew it. Once she had seen Hope’s car parked almost next to hers on the driveway, her blood had run cold and her heart stopped beating. Tears threatened to spill out and her hand closed itself into a fist, but Josie just took a deep breath and swallowed her emotions, putting a fake smile on. Right now wasn’t the time to unpack all of it. 

She was back to see her mom, whom she hadn’t seen in quite a long time. She was back to spend time with her family. Yeap. That was it. 

Hope shouldn’t still have so much power over her. So what if she was home too? So what if she had brought someone with her? She surely was allowed to date other people, right? They are broken up after all. Josie had dated people in the last five years so why couldn’t Hope as well? 

_Because you're her person, and she’s yours._

Josie shook her head and closed her eyes shut, trying to calm her breathing and stop the goddamn tears that still threatened to spill out. 

_She’s not. Not anymore at least_. 

After another deep breath, Josie opened her eyes and admired her reflection on the mirror, her eyes were perfectly hiding an inner turmoil but otherwise, she looked good. Great actually. She has been growing her hair for the last year so it reached past her breast now, her skin was glowing and she had been working out so her jeans fit in all the right places. She had chosen a casual look, skinny jeans and a turtleneck sweater. 

After reapplying her lipstick and checking her reflection one more time, she decided to come down the stairs and help her mom with the food for a while, making sure to add lots of wine bottles on the table cause god only knew how much she would be needing it if she was planning to spend an evening in Hope’s presence again.

Actually, she started to need the wine the moment she came down the stairs to help with the food and she was now on her third glass but if she had been hiding her glasses and drinking her wine when Caroline and Lizzie weren’t around, then no one needed to know that. 

And thank goodness for the existence of wine though cause by the moment that the bell rang, Josie didn’t feel the need to run away and hide in her room for the rest of the evening. All the contrary, she felt like she could handle it, like it wasn’t a big deal and Hope was only one of her old friends from high school. 

That’s why she decided to stop her mom from opening the door and take it upon herself to be the host for the evening. 

Her plan consisted in two simple tasks: open the door and greet your guests. 

It didn’t go exactly as she was expecting it though, cause the moment she opened the door, her friendly smile faltered and she visibly swallowed. Shamelessly taking in the sight in front of her. 

Her auburn hair seemed redder and way longer now. She didn’t have the body of a teenager anymore but the one of a woman’s, and Josie couldn’t stop herself from letting her eyes linger on every part of it until she looked up and noticed how much Hope’s entire face had adopted a red flush, her lips were slightly parted and her eyes had dilated to the point of leaving only a string of blue. 

It made her shiver, her own face felt entirely too hot and Josie could’ve sworn her stomach dropped and her heart stopped beating. 

‘’Hope!’’ Josie was startled by her mom’s voice right next to hers. ‘’I’m so glad you could make it!’

Hope cleared her throat and tore her eyes away from Josie’s, plastering a tight smile on and regaining her composure quite quickly. ‘’Of course I would, Caroline. It has become like a little tradition, hasn’t it?’’ 

Josie noticed that she was speaking now with a slight british accent. Fuck. She pretended to not be affected by it.

‘’And you brought your friend’’ Caroline smiled, drawing her eyes to the person standing next to Hope. 

Josie seemed to realize that Hope wasn’t alone and also drew her eyes to the woman. Frowning and pursing her lips. She was beautiful. The _looking like a fucking model but appearing as if she didn’t know it_ kind of beautiful. 

Josie hated it. 

‘’Yeah’’ Hope glanced at the woman and smiled, completely ignoring Josie now.

‘’I’m Maya’’ The woman said. ‘’It’s nice to meet you Mrs…?’’

‘’Forbes-Salvatore’’ Caroline supplied with a loving smile. ‘’But you can call me Caroline’’

‘’Oh, alright’’ Maya smiled. Ugh. Her smile was even prettier. ‘’And you are…?’’ She turned to Josie now. 

Josie glanced at Hope to see that she was looking everywhere but her now. Fine. If this was how Hope was going to play it out then it was all good with her. All good. Josie could pretend as well.

She turned to look at Maya and noticed a bottle of wine on her hands. Her smile was instantaneous. ‘’I… I’ll be taking that, thank you’’ She coldly said, taking the bottle from Maya’s hands before turning around and walking away. 

‘’That’s Josie’’ Caroline added, her cheerful tone never fading away. ‘’But don’t just stand there, girls. Come on in. Dinner will be ready soon’’

Josie spent the next 30 minutes pretending everything was absolutely fine. As if her ex-girlfriend wasn’t in her house right now and the fucking british accent and beautiful laughs that she could hear coming from the living room didn’t belong to said ex-girlfriend. 

And while she was in the kitchen distracting herself by talking to Lizzie, it was actually working. She was finishing dinner, she kept on sipping on her wine and Lizzie was sitting on the counter and telling her about the newest gossip in her campus. 

Josie could pretend that it was like any other night Lizzie would visit her in New York and they would cook together, and it was working. It really was. 

Until of course, her mom had to barge in the kitchen and after inspecting the food, she decided that it was ready so she gestured for the twins to go to the dining room. 

Josie took a deep breath and wrapped her arm around Lizzie's wrist, stopping her from going into the dining room. ‘’I don’t think I can do this, Liz’’ She muttered, pouting.

Lizzie sighed. ‘’It’s just one night and you won’t have to look at her ever again if that’s what you want’’ 

Josie nodded, still pouting. However, her pout went away the moment she stepped into the dining room and her eyes immediately locked on Hope’s again. It was as if the Mikaelson girl was just waiting for Josie to show up but Josie wouldn’t dwell on that thought, she couldn’t. If she did, then she'd be opening a door that Josie didn't want to go into. 

So she schooled her face and put on a mask, staring back at Hope with a blank expression.

She saw Hope furrowing her brow then look down for a moment before looking back at Maya and resuming her smile, as if Josie’s presence couldn’t be any different than a cat’s. 

Great. Just great. 

Another thing Josie was starting to hate as of now? The seating arrangements. 

Why? Ah! that'd be because Josie ended up sitting right in front of Hope. 

Lizzie's idea. 

Well, not idea per se, but when Lizzie took the seat that was in front of Maya, Josie couldn't do anything but glare at her sister and reluctantly sit in front of Hope. 

Hope, who had been absolutely ignoring Josie for the past 15 minutes now. Not that Josie had been counting either but still. Apparently, Hope was fine holding conversations with Caroline and Lizzie as if it was all normal, even Maya sometimes would join in and be part of whatever thing they were talking about as if she had known her mom and sister since ever. 

It was bothering Josie. She was trying to be casual and friendly, smiling or nodding when the moment required it and agreeing or disagreeing with whatever thing they have been talking about, she didn't know what she was agreeing with though, she was barely listening, barely talking and her focus was solely on Hope.

Josie though she hasn't been subtle about it, with the way her eyes lingered on the other girl in front of her, taking it all in. But she found she didn't care either, so.

On how her voice had changed since the last time they had talked. It had adopted a somewhat british accent that Josie was absolutely loving and hating at the same time. On how Hope was still too polite and gentle, her mannerisms were the same even if she now performed them with even more grace and confidence than before. Josie couldn't stop looking at her lips and thinking that her shade of lipstick looked great on her, how her black sweater made her eyes seem more blue. How the cold usually tinted her cheeks in an adorable red. 

Josie licked her lips and looked away, feeling her stomach once again dropping to the floor and her hands shaking under the table. She reached for her glass of wine but noticed that it was empty, so instead she reached for the bottle but also noticed that it was empty as well. 

So without thinking it twice, she stood up, attracting the eyes of everyone on the table. "We're out of wine" She simply explained. "I'll go grab another bottle" 

She saw her mom nodding and resuming her conversation with Maya before walking out of the dining room and going into the kitchen. Once there, she splashed some water on her face and leaned on the counter, covering her face in her hands and trying to calm her breathing that had been erratically failing. 

"Are you okay?"

Josie jumped and brought a hand to her chest before turning around and seeing Hope casually leaning on the doorframe, looking at Josie with a raised eyebrow. Other than that, her face was expressionless.

"Two more words to me than what's been your usual average so far" She muttered to herself before rolling her eyes. "I'm fine" 

She grabbed the bottle of wine and tried to walk past Hope, but she stopped her by grabbing her wrist. "Are you sure?" Her voice was uncertain, even though her face remained blank. "You've been faking your smiles"

Josie somberly chuckled and snapped her hand out of Hope's grasp. Not wanting to dwell on the thought of Hope's touch either. "Wonder why" She rolled her eyes again before going back to the dining room.

Hope followed right after and graciously sat down, taking the bottle that Josie had brought from the kitchen and pouring her glass. "Caroline, I noticed that Stefan's not home" She asked, tilting her head. 

"Yeah" her mom sighed, also taking the bottle and pouring her own glass with it. "He's on a business trip with Damon, he'll be back by New Years though" 

"Elena didn't go with them?" Lizzie cocked her head to the side. 

"No, actually" Caroline shook her head. "She had to work at the clinic for the next days" 

"But it's the holidays" Lizzie pouted. 

"Well, honey. Not everyone gets a two weeks break because of it" Caroline replied, shrugging. 

"Don't I know that" Maya chuckled and Josie shifted her gaze towards her, immediately frowning. "I almost had to cry to Hope just so she could give me my _well deserved_ two weeks" 

"Don't exaggerate" Hope replied with an easy smile. "You know I was about to give you your two weeks but you decided to barge in my office and demand for them" 

"Wait" Lizzie gulped. "You work for Hope?"

"Yeah" Maya smiled, looking fondly at the auburn haired girl. "I'm her right hand" 

"Nice" Lizzie chuckled. "So if you cried so much about your break how come you're here with her?" She raised an eyebrow. 

Maya shrugged. "I'm from Mystic Falls so, why wouldn't I?" 

"You are?" Josie asked, pursing her lips. 

"Yeah" She nodded. "Born and raised. So when Hope told me that she was flying back for the holidays, of course I would tag along" 

"Of course" Josie muttered, all venom hidden within her tone. 

She poured herself another glass of wine and gulped it all down without flinching. 

The rest of dinner went by uneventfully. Josie kept on smiling when it was necessary for her too and always made sure that Lizzie and her mom came up with new topics to fill the sometimes awkward silence. It wasn't that hard, though. It seemed like they were also trying to battle the silence as well. And before she was aware, Jose was finally clearing the table and saving the leftovers in the kitchen while Lizzie and her mom were saying goodbye to Hope and "her friend". 

She could hear Hope and Maya thanking her mom for dinner and exchanging some more pleasantries before she could hear Caroline finally closing the door shut and Josie could relax and release some of the tension in her shoulders, gulping another glass of wine but before she could finish it, Lizzie snapped it out of her hands. 

"You need to stop with the wine" Lizzie warned. "You're wine drunk"

Josie huffed, wine drunk? No, she was just a little bit tipsier, her entire body felt too hot and she wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh at herself or at the whole situation she was in. She also wasn't sure if the reaction would be laughing or crying about it all though. But she wasn't drunk.

"I'm not wine drunk" Josie glared at Lizzie, before reaching for her glass again, but Lizzie just kept on moving it out of her reach until Josie gave up trying. "And besides, what if I were? I think it'd be pretty validated" 

"Are you okay?" Lizzie whispered. 

But before Josie could reply to her, her mom stepped into the kitchen and wrapped her in a tight hug. 

"Josie" Caroline sighed. Josie pretended that her mom's hug wasn't making her want to cry. "How are you?"

Josie wiggled herself out of her mom's hug, frowning. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" She huffed. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Uh…" Lizzie said, exchanging glances with her mom. "Well, it mustn't be easy to-"

"I'm _fine_ " Josie repeated. But she had the feeling that she was trying to convince herself more than them. She took the wine bottle, noticing how it still had some left. "If you don't mind, I'll be in my room with this" She shook the bottle in her hands and glared at Lizzie. "As my only company. So if you'll excuse me…"

* * *

_Her stomach hurt, she was laughing too hard but Josie found that she didn't mind. Not in the slightest. Not when she saw her mom smiling and being her usual enthusiastic, bubbly self again._

_Although, if she was honest with herself, when her mom first told him about her new boyfriend wanting to meet the twins, Josie panicked. She didn't know how to handle that situation. She knew she had to be polite and in her best behavior that night. Her mom had asked them both to be. Of course Josie would agree. Anything to make her mom happy. Still, she couldn't quite shake the feeling she had._

_Stefan was new in her mom's life. Caroline had only met him two months ago and by the look of it all, they already seemed quite certain of their feelings and sure of their relationship. So much so, that Stefan already wanted to meet the twins._

_So Caroline had organized a whole dinner party to do just that. She even invited Hope's parents to it. So Josie didn't know how she should feel about it being too serious already. Sure, she wanted the house to stop being cold (whenever she wasn't with Hope in it) she wanted her mom to be happy. But inviting someone else into their little family, into their dynamic… Josie just wasn't sure and you couldn't blame her for having second thoughts about this Stefan guy._

_Except that when she finally met him and had the chance to actually talk to him, the first thing she noticed was how in love Stefan was with her mom, it was way too obvious and he wasn't afraid to show it. The second thing was that in some ways they were kind of similar and shared the same beliefs about almost anything, and that brought Josie the greatest relief, knowing that even though he was new in their life now, this change was actually a good and welcomed one._

_Besides, she loved having Hope's hand on her thigh or intertwined with her own all throughout dinner. And yes, even though they talked too little that night thanks to all the people around the table making general conversation between all of them, Josie knew that Hope was constantly checking up on her and making sure her girlfriend was okay by just squeezing her hand, her thigh or just by staring at her or even shooting smiles once in a while._

_By the time that they were all leaving, Hope stopped by the kitchen first where Josie was looking for a glass of water and as soon as she saw her, Hope wrapped her arms tightly around Josie's body. "See? I told you everything was gonna be okay" She said, with a smile that absolutely melted Josie's heart._

* * *

Up until the moment she got that text, everything had been… Well, Josie had been sprawled out on the floor while occasionally sipping from the wine bottle and reliving the past two hours of her life. 

So it had been going well for her. That was her plan for the night after all. Just stay in her room, get drunker than she already was and eventually pass out. All nice. All cozy.

But then she got the text and almost threw up by the way she suddenly sat up after reading it, the world spinning and her vision blurry for a second before it cleared.

She didn't have the number saved, she had deleted it a long, long time ago. Still, she already knew who it was by just looking at the first digits. Of course she knew, that number could never be completely erased from her mind, even if it was erased from her phone. 

The text was short and simple, it read: 

_[10:47pm]_

_would you meet me at our spot in 5mins?_

Josie huffed and stood up from the floor, pacing back and forth in her room, noticing how her heart was beating too loud and everything was slowly spinning, her hands were also slightly shaking. 

_It's okay_. Josie told herself. _It's just Hope. It's fine. There's nothing to panic about. Maybe she just wants to catch up?_

She wasn't dumb, she knew it was a bad idea to meet her ex-girlfriend late at night in their old make out spot. But she also knew that the regret could be such a bitch that kicked way too hard to handle sometimes, and Josie convinced herself that if she wanted to regret something, then she'd regret the things she did instead of the things she didn't get to do because she was too panicked or afraid. 

So with that thought in mind: 

_[10:54]_

_on my way there_.

And then she put on her gray beanie and her black coat, it was still way too cold outside and the last thing she needed was to get sick cause she wasn't sober enough to put on a coat. 

She might be drunk, but she was still a responsible adult, alright?

Their make out spot was really a corner on Hope's backyard and Josie had access to it thanks to a little door in the fence that separated both of their houses' backyards. This corner though was quite spacious and roofed patio with great columns at each side. Inside had an elegant and really comfy sofa with lots of lounge chairs all around and a circular fire pit right in the middle. Some plants were all around as well. 

This used to be Hayley's, Hope's mom, favorite place either to read or work from home when the Mikaelsons used to live there. And at nights, it was also Hope and Josie's favorite place to hang out.

Josie took a deep breath and kept walking, noticing how Hope was already there, adding a little bit more of wood to the fire to keep it burning. She was wearing the black coat Josie saw earlier when she opened the door.

"What do you want?" Josie sighed, finally stepping into the patio and being welcomed by the heat of the fire. 

Hope turned around and raised an eyebrow, her cheeks deeply flushed. "I was hoping you'd stop being rude" She replied, her eyes carefully tracing Josie's face.

Josie chuckled and put her hands inside her coat pockets. "I'm not being rude" She shrugged.

"Yeah, right"

"So" Josie pursed her lips. "Why did you bring me out to the cold? It's freezing, you know?"

Josie saw how Hope's entire demeanor changed, and she started playing and pulling the sleeves of her coat. Her nervous habit. "I uh… I wanted to know if you were okay" She swallowed.

"If I'm…" Josie darkly chuckled and then licked her lips, putting her hands on her hips and lowering her gaze for a moment. 

_Calm down_. 

Maybe it was the alcohol already talking for her though, but Josie could feel the anger rising up to her throat and getting past her lips. "You don't need to check up on me, Hope. I'm fine-"

It was a lie, she was far from fine but Hope didn't need to know that.

"I know you, Josie" Hope scoffed, taking a few steps closer. Josie fought the urge to be pulled by her closeness. "At dinner you were-" 

"What's it with you and how I was at dinner?" She shot back. "It was just dinner" She shrugged. 

"Yeah, and you didn't seem fine" Hope insisted, taking another step closer to Josie. 

"Hasn't it occurred to you that the reason I don't seem fine is because you showed up?" Josie snapped, looking directly into Hope's eyes for longer than five seconds for the first time that night.

She was tired of everyone asking how she was. Josie knew she wasn't fine, that everything wasn't okay. But constantly being in the receiving end of the _are you okays_ from everyone was driving her crazy, was making it all of it seem heavier on her chest and Josie just wanted the world to stop spinning for once in this goddamn day. 

Besides, she felt like she was the only one being affected by it. The only one trying to keep her composure and sanity. Why was everyone else okay with the fact that Hope was home? Why would her mom invite her ex-girlfriend for dinner for the past three years as if Hope wasn't the one that broke her heart in the first place? Most of all, how come she felt like she was the one struggling when Hope seemed unaffected?

It wasn't fair. 

"I was fine before my sister told me that you were back home as well" Josie continued. Because once she let the rage and disappointment slip out of her system, she couldn't be able to stop. "I was happy, actually. To see my mom and my step-dad again. To be home" She huffed, still staring at Hope's eyes. "But you had to show up, didn't you? So please, stop asking me if I'm okay because I'm not, I'm a mess right now and the reason for that… is you" 

Josie saw the exact moment Hope swallowed hard and her eyes glazed over, tears pooling in her eyes and her jaw hardening. Her carefully crafted mask breaking and leaving her real emotions behind for Josie to see.

Josie immediately felt bad the moment she saw the first tear spill out of Hope's eyes and she had to fight the urge to get close and wipe it away, the urge to wrap Hope in a comforting hug and tell her that she didn't mean any of it. 

But that was the thing. Josie did mean every word of it and she wouldn't take it back. It was the truth. Seeing Hope again was making everything resurface. Her feelings. Every word they had said, every kiss and hug they shared. Every precious moment Josie treasured close to her heart. Josie had buried those memories the moment she understood that Hope wasn't coming back, and up until now, those memories stayed where they were supposed to be. Buried. But it was all coming back to her and staring at those blue eyes was doing nothing but making her feelings worse.

She saw Hope biting her lip before nodding. "I understand" She whispered, her voice weak and as if she was trying for it not to break. "I'm sorry" 

She started playing with the sleeves of her coat again, looking at the ground. It awfully reminded Josie of that moment when Hope told her she was in love with her. "You should get back home now. It's freezing"

Josie swallowed, feeling even worse now at seeing how Hope had broken her own mask and she also seemed pretty unstable. But Josie decided not to close the short distance separating each other and hug her. She decided not to keep staring at those blue eyes and keep breaking her own heart. 

So she stepped back and turned around, keeping her eyes trained on the ground, afraid that if she looked back just once then maybe she would walk right back towards Hope and wrap her in the hug that they both obviously needed right now.

* * *

_"Josie, It's freezing! What the hell?" Hope whined, her eyes looking every five seconds to her house with longing._

_"I know it's freezing. I feel like I'll die from hypothermia" Josie also whined, but her mind was set on a mission and she wouldn't back down._

_She couldn't, actually. They needed to find it._

_"Then why do you want us to die from hypothermia, then?"_

_Josie sighed. "We need to find it" She just said, resuming her task of staring intently at the snow in search of the white little box she stupidly dropped hours ago when she and Stefan got out of the car._

_"Would you just tell me what's inside? Or why is it so important?"_

_Josie turned around to see her girlfriend pouting and pleading with her eyes to just get back inside. She was wearing her pastel pink coat (which was weird cause Hope only wore dark colors) and her white gloves and beanie. Her cheeks were flushed a deep red and her eyes seemed impossibly blue. The sight took Josie's breath away. Her girlfriend was way too beautiful for her heart to handle._

_"I told you" Josie walked closer to her and put her hands on Hope's shoulders. "It's a white little box and it's way too important. A life or death situation here if we don't find it"_

_Hope scoffed. "Okay first, I can't believe you dropped a white little box in the freaking snow. Actually, scratch that. I do believe it just fine. And second, is Stefan proposing to your mom or something?" She tilted her head._

_"What?" Josie shook her head. "No. The box is mine"_

_Hope raised an eyebrow. "Are you proposing to someone or something?" She teased, a smirk growing on her face._

_Josie's face heated, suddenly she didn't know what hypothermia was. "What?" She shrieked. "Of course not"_

_"Alright" She bit her lip. "Cause I just found this…" She put her hand in her coat pocket and took the little box from it, showing it to Josie. "A few seconds ago and it awfully looks a lot like someone's intending to propose with it. So I'm a little concerned now"_

_Hope raised an eyebrow, still biting her lip and looking at Josie expectantly. Josie panicked, this wasn't how she wanted it to go but oh well…_

_"It's not a ring, Hope" She swallowed. "I'm not proposing to anyone with it-"_

_Hope nodded, satisfied. "That's great, cause I'd get a lot jealous if you were. Or panicked. Depends on the situation really cause-"_

_"-But uh, it's for you" Josie finished, interrupting Hope' rambling with a shy smile._

_"What?" Hope raised her eyebrows before looking at the box again with a confused expression._

_"Yeah" Josie nodded. "Open it"_

_Hope did and her smirk turned into a full blown grin. She looked back at Josie with adoration in her eyes. "It's the necklace I told you about" She gasped._

_"I knew how much you wanted it so…" She trailed off, feeling a lot insecure and self conscious now._

_But next thing she felt was being pulled down by the neck and her lips immediately colliding with Hope's in a slow but yet, still desperate kiss. One of Hope's hands tangling in her hair and the other tightly grabbing Josie's coat, keeping her as close as possible to her body. It was as if Hope wanted her to know how much it meant to her by her kiss and touch._

_Josie absolutely loved that way of communication._

_Once Josie broke the kiss just because oxygen was apparently her body's priority, she let her forehead rest against Hope's. Panting and trying to catch her breath. Hope little puffs of air was hitting Josie's chin, making her smile_

_"We should, uh…" Josie started, clearing her throat. "Get_ _back inside, though. It's freezing"_

_Hope slowly nodded. "Freezing? I can't feel the cold anymore" Josie's heart was beating too loud now at hearing Hope's low and husky tone of voice._

_"Why not? Something got you to warm up?" Josie smirked._

_Hope swallowed. "Are your parents home?" She asked instead, separating herself from Josie just a little, intently staring back at her._

_Josie nodded and bit her lip, noticing Hope's darkened eyes. A heat pooling in her lower abdomen when she realized what that look meant. "Are yours?"_

_Hope shook her head. "I want to properly thank you for my necklace" She whispered._

_Josie bit her lip and swallowed, hard. "Lead the way then"_

* * *

It was 4am now and Josie was still awake, two more bottles of… She didn't know anymore were laying around her room. 

She couldn't stop thinking about Hope's broken look, about the way that she was fighting herself to not cry. 

And Josie couldn't stand the fact that she was the reason why Hope reacted that way. 

So in her little drunken state of mind, she grabbed her phone and texted her. It was probably something that she was going to regret the next day, but now, it seemed like the only thing in the world that matter the most to her. 

The text read: 

_[4:18am]_

_i'm zo sorrg. i hate myslf for makng you cry. i want_

_to make it up to you._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I really appreciate and love reading your comments, they keep me inspired to keep writing about this, so thank you<3  
> Anyway, here's an update. Hope you like the angst. It has plenty.

_ They had spent the whole afternoon in the lake just outside the borders of Mystic Falls with ‘’the super squad’’, as MG liked to call their group of friends.  _

_ But it was late in the evening now and all of her friends were sitting together around an improvised bonfire. Getting themselves dry or just chilling around.  _

_ Josie knew that this day would inevitably be cut short though, when their mom inevitably calls her or Lizzie wondering where they’ve been and why they missed classes. Or even worse, Josie knew that her mom tracked their phones sometimes, so she was constantly checking up around her too see if she would catch a glimpse of blonde hair furiously approaching her. But no, the only glimpse of blonde hair she could see was Lizzie, sitting next to Hope as if they were besties. _

_ And why was that happening if Hope and Lizzie barely even talked to each other? Well, Josie and Hope hadn’t been exactly in a good place that day.  _

_ It’s not like they were mad at each other, or fighting. It was just that Hope was upset, and Josie didn’t know if Hope was upset at her or just upset in general. It was hard to tell when the girl had been barely speaking to her right now.  _

_ She kind of knew why though, but she wasn’t exactly sure.  _

_ It was no secret to anyone that Penelope had a massive crush on Josie. And also, it was no secret to anyone that Penelope and Hope couldn’t stand each other.  _

_ As Josie saw it, it was like putting two Alpha wolves fighting against each other for power and dominance over the pack, but neither of them wanting to lose. So they kept on fighting for it until someone eventually gave up.  _

_ Still, Josie didn’t exactly mind the fact that Pen had a crush on her. Not in the slightest. She had made it clear to Penelope that she was very much in love with Hope and that would not change.  _

_ Surprisingly, Penelope took it well without any hard feelings and they continued being friends. Even though Josie knew now that she had to keep the girl at an arm’s distance sometimes, not wanting to give mixed signals to anyone. It was all good. _

_ And the plan of skipping classes for the day and going to the lake with the whole squad came up while Josie and Penelope were walking in the halls of the school the day before. So really, the whole thing was just their idea.  _

_ And Josie had the feeling that Hope was upset because of it, if the way that she kept her distance and the way that she kept looking at Josie and Penelope, was any indication of it.  _

_ Usually, it was Josie the one that kept getting jealous when almost everyone had admitted to having a crush on Hope in the past. But now it was Hope’s turn to be jealous and Josie couldn’t keep standing the fact that Hope was keeping her distance from her.  _

_ So she stood up from a fallen tree trunk and went to sit on the one that Hope and Lizzie were currently sitting on. But instead of sitting next to her like a normal person, Josie opted to sit on Hope’s lap, crossing her arms around Hope’s neck.  _

_ Hope gulped and searched for Josie’s eyes with a confused expression.  _

_ Josie just kissed her cheek. ‘’Hi’’ _

_ ‘’Hey, Jo’’ _

_ ‘’I missed you’’ She pouted. _

_ Hope glanced down at Josie’s lips. ‘’I missed you too, baby’’  _

_ Lizzie groaned quite loudly, making both of them look at her. ‘’I don’t know why you guys want to keep torturing me this way so I’ll just take this as my cue to leave’’ She stood up, rolling her eyes at both of them and then walking away towards MG. _

_ Josie smiled and drew her eyes to Hope’s again, pouting. ‘’Are you mad at me?’’  _

_ Hope also pouted and shook her head. ‘’I’m not mad at you’’  _

_ ‘’But you’re mad’’  _

_ ‘’I’m not mad, I’m just…’’ She trailed off and shook her head. ‘’I really hate Penelope sometimes’’  _

_ Josie nodded. ‘’I know’’ _

_ ‘’And I hate that you keep spending time with her’’ She hardened her jaw. _

_ ‘’She’s my friend’’ Josie shrugged. ‘’Just like MG or Jed is my friend’’ _

_ ‘’Yeah, but neither MG or Jed have a crush on you’’ _

_ ‘’Well… If you want to go there then, Landon has a massive crush on you and we all know that… Oh! And Rafael also has a crush on you now that I think about it’’ Josie smiled when she saw Hope pouting again. ‘’And you know Roman? Well, I heard that he kinda fancies you’’ _

_ Hope huffed and scrunched up her nose.  _

_ ‘’I could go on, you know’’ She raised her eyebrows.  _

_ ‘’I get it, I get it’’ She rolled her eyes.  _

_ Josie laughed and kissed Hope’s cheek again. ‘’I love  _ you _ Hope, you know that right?’’ Hope nodded and looked at Josie’s lips for a moment before drawing her eyes back to Josie’s. ‘’You’re my person too’’  _

* * *

Josie woke up with a horrible headache and three bottles laying around the floor. Thank goodness she didn't throw up in her sleep though, that would've been gross. 

She couldn't remember the last time she got this drunk. Was it maybe a year ago? 

Why would she even get this drunk, why would she-

Then it hit her. Certain auburn haired girl was back in town looking as gorgeous as ever and causing Josie's heart to have many attacks or stop beating altogether every five seconds. It hasn't really decided on which one yet. 

For example, now it just felt heavier once she remembered last night. Tears once again threatening to spill out and her lungs refusing to take in oxygen. 

Can people die from heartbreaks? 

Well, she didn't die from it when they broke up 5 years ago and back then it was way, way worse than now. Josie had cried for days, hadn't slept or eaten at all. She spent two weeks being a zombie until her brain finally started to process the fact that Hope had truly broken up with her and she wasn't coming back. 

Josie shook those particular memories away and with a great effort made it to the bathroom. She knew she should've taken something last night and drank lots of water before going to sleep. 

Such a great responsible adult, she was. 

After spending what seemed like an eternity in the bathroom, showering, brushing her teeth and trying to make herself look decent for the day, she slowly came down the stairs and went directly to the kitchen. Already looking for her cup of coffee. 

"Well, look who's finally awake" Lizzie annoyingly cheered, side hugging Josie before sitting on the stool next to her. Arms on the counter and hands supporting her head. She had an equally annoying cheerful expression on her face. 

Spending too much time with mom made the both of them way too cheerful. 

"Not so loud" Josie hissed. "My head is killing me" She took her phone out of her back pocket of her jeans and set it face down on the table, closing her eyes shut afterwards. 

When did everything become so bright? 

"Oh!" Lizzie continued being annoyingly cheerful. "Is it now? Maybe because you stole all the wine bottles in this household?" She smirked knowingly.

"I…", Josie was about to defend herself and deny it when she suddenly remembered the three empty bottles in her room. God, she had drunk a lot. "Okay maybe I did-" 

She was interrupted though by her stomach being upset and the sudden urge to empty all of its contents. Josie immediately stood up from the stool and ran to the bathroom, not wasting any second and finding the toilet, throwing up everything that her stomach had. 

After what felt like forever, she flushed the toilet and finally sat down on the bathroom's floor. She took a deep breath, already hating the taste of her mouth. 

"You look like a mess" Lizzie said, making a disgusted face at seeing Josie. "Did you take a shower? You should take another one" 

Josie pouted, closing her eyes and leaning her head on the wall. Her headache was seriously and mercilessly murdering her by now. 

"Oh great!" Josie cracked an eye open to see her mom standing next to Lizzie. Cheerful expression on. "You're awake! I need your help with something" 

"Why is everyone yelling? I'm not up for-"

"Well..." Caroline interrupted her, entering the bathroom and kneeling in front of Josie. Her cheerful demeanor decreasing once she saw Josie's miserable one. "Do you happen to know who took the remaining two bottles we had?" 

"Uh…" Josie looked at Lizzie for help, but Lizzie just smirked and got out of the bathroom, leaving her alone with her mom and her questioning gaze. "No?"

Caroline narrowed her eyes. "I don't know. They seemed to disappear at some point throughout the night" She shrugged. "Didn't you see anyone taking them?" 

Josie shook her head. "I can replace them?" She cleared her throat. "Yeah… I uh, I'll go to the grocery store and replace them" She cleared her throat again. 

Why was speaking so difficult as of sudden? She truly needed to find a glass of water as soon as possible.

"That's great!" Caroline smiled and nodded reassuringly. "I know you would"

"Yeah" Josie was looking at anything but her mom now. "I'm sorry for… uh, this. I know it's probably not what you expected to see from me" 

Caroline blinked and furrowed her brow in confusion. "I only expected to see my daughter" 

Josie weakly smiled and nodded. 

"Now, I can't say that I haven't done all of this-" She gestured vaguely at Josie and the bathroom. "before as my coping mechanism so I can't really blame you for the way you're reacting to all of it" 

Josie's heart sank at the mention of even anything going on, about the situation she was currently in. 

Which reminder her:

"Yeah, why did you even put me in this situation, though? Why invite her to dinner if you know that she-" She took a deep breath and then added: "That she hurt me"

Caroline shrugged. "It has become some kind of tradition ever since she came back home three years ago, Jo. You know how much traditions mean to me" She pointed out as if it was the only obvious explanation. 

It wasn’t enough for Josie though,

"Yeah but you knew that I'd be here. Didn't you stop to think about how this would hurt me?" Josie's voice was cold, angered. Her eyes remained fixed on the ground. 

"Josie, you're upset right now" Caroline warned with a careful tone. "Don't take this all on the wrong person" 

She then looked at her mom, irritated. "I just don't understand why you would keep on inviting her and being so caring" She swallowed and looked at the ground once again, her voice broke when she repeated: "S-She hurt me, mom"

"I know sweetie" Caroline pouted, looking at her daughter with the sympathy that only a mother could give. "But Hope is family. I couldn't let her be on her own on holidays  _ especially _ after…" She trailed off. 

"After what?" Josie looked up immediately, her curiosity getting the best of her. 

"You don't know?" She tilted her head. 

"Know  _ what _ , mom?" She insisted, watching how her mom nervously chuckled and looked away. 

"Nevermind" She shook her head and stood up, watching Josie carefully and raising an eyebrow. "Drink water please" She said with an undoubtedly mom tone.

Josie rolled her eyes before nodding and watching Caroline turn around.

"Mom!" Josie called after her.

"And remember to go to the grocery store. If you drain my bottles, you replace them. That's just how things work in this household"

"Mom!" Josie groaned again, leaning her head on the wall and watching how Caroline left the bathroom without looking back.

Great. 

* * *

It was too bright even with her sunglasses on.

Yes, Josie knew that it was late in the afternoon in the middle of winter so wearing sunglasses might seem kind of weird but either way, the sky and snow were in different shades of white and it all was making it too bright for Josie’s eyes to handle. She was just having a pretty bad hangover, okay? and her head couldn’t bother to stop murdering her for a change, so you couldn’t blame her for grabbing her sunglasses before going out. 

Well, except maybe the people surrounding her didn’t seem to think that wearing sunglasses inside the grocery store was a smart choice after a hangover. They kept looking at her as if Josie was a bad influence for their kids. One woman even put her kid aside the moment she saw Josie walking past them, for god’s sake. 

Josie kind of wanted a sign on her forehead that said: _It’s the hangover._ _Hangovers include sunglasses indoors. It’s a rule._ But then, she thought that that would probably make the parents keep their children even more far away from her. 

Nice. She became the weird, drunk, looking like a mess lady that only went to the grocery stores to buy booze at the age of 24. Cool. 

It also didn’t help that she was actually in the store carrying around four bottles of booze in her cart. 

Well, kids. It is what it is.

She was entertaining those thoughts when she turned around the corner of an isle and her cart crashed with another one. Josie took a deep breath, ready for whoever middle aged woman to scold her again for being an alcoholic when her eyes fell upon auburn hair currently hiding the girl’s face because she was busy picking up something. 

The first thing she noticed was that the girl was picking up her phone after she dropped it when the carts crashed. Now, the second thing she noticed was her heart stop beating altogether when her eyes took in the sight of Hope standing up and moving her hair out of her face.

‘’You should watch where you’re going, you made me drop my-’’ She started annoyed, but cut herself short in surprise when she also noticed who she was talking to. 

Josie swallowed, her heart beating in her ears now. Did her headache just get worse or was that the feeling of yet again, seeing Hope right in front of her? Looking so goddamn good with her light green sweater making a beautiful contrast with her red hair.

‘’-Hi’’ Hope tightly smiled and then looked away. 

‘’Seriously?’’ She groaned, rolling her eyes and bringing a hand to her forehead, massaging the tension in her eyebrows. ‘’What are you doing here?’’ 

She seemed taken aback by the question before rolling her eyes. ‘’Buying clothes in a grocery store, obviously. What else would I be doing here, genius?’’ 

Josie noticed that her pretty blue eyes seemed tired so she just said the first thing that came to mind: ‘’You have red eyes’’

Granted, maybe it wasn’t the best thing to say because Hope raised her eyebrows and laughed sardonically, possibly offended by Josie’s observation?

‘’Well, you look like shit’’ She crossed her arms and lifted her chin just a bit. 

‘’Gee, thanks’’ Josie deadpanned, already aware of her current looks.

She was reminded of how much she knew the girl in front of her when she perfectly noticed how Hope’s eyes suddenly turned into a soft, caring stare. ‘’Did you sleep okay?’’ 

And she was hating it. ‘’Why do  _ you _ care?’’ 

‘’Josie…’’ She lightly pleaded, her tired eyes showing every bit of inner turmoil. 

Something that was making Josie’s heart ache even more. 

‘’Nope’’ She shook her head. ‘’Not doing this’’ She stepped back with her cart so she could walk past Hope, but Hope made their carts crash again, effectively blocking Josie from going away,

‘’Not doing what?’’ She frowned. ‘’Can’t we just-’’

‘’What?’’ Josie chuckled, already feeling the anger rising up from her stomach. ‘’Catch up as if everything’s all good and dandy? Yeah right, I don’t see how that’s a good idea’’ 

Her head kept pounding and with every accelerated heartbeat, the stronger it pounded. She needed to get away. She needed fresh air. 

‘’Look, I’m not looking for a fight here. I just want-’’

‘’Well Hope, then  _ maybe _ you should stop looking for anything at all’’ She swallowed. Her hands were starting to shake? ‘’Because  _ maybe _ I don’t want to keep seeing you anymore’’

Hope’s eyes glazed over as she hardened her jaw and glared at Josie. ‘’Wow’’ She chuckled. ‘’What a good way you have of making it up to me’’

Josie shut her eyes for a moment and shook her head. Why was a hammer inside her head every time her heart beat. ‘’What?’’

She saw Hope taking out her phone from her back pocket and looking for something in it. Once she found whatever she was looking for, she extended her arm and showed the screen to Josie. 

It was text, from her at 4am in the morning and it read: 

_ i'm zo sorrg. i hate myslf for makng you cry. i want to make it up to you. _

Oh god. 

She couldn’t even remember sending that text to Hope. What was she even thinking? 

Well, she wasn’t. She was beyond drunk at that point. 

Josie tried to stop the urge to violently facepalm.

‘’You know?’’ Hope muttered, her voice guarded. ‘’At least I’m trying to be civil about this but you just seem keen on lashing out-’’

‘’Excuse me?’’ She frowned. ‘’Lashing out?’’

Hope sighed and seemed about to add something else when Josie saw someone else stand right next to Hope and put a hand to what Josie assumed was Hope’s lower back. 

It made the hammering in her head even more noticeable to her. 

‘’Is everything okay here?’’ Maya asked, looking at Josie warily.

‘’Of course’’ She faked a smile and adjusted her sunglasses. ‘’Why wouldn’t  _ everything _ be okay, right Hope? Everything’s all cool’’ 

She glared at Hope, which she probably didn’t see thanks to the sunglasses still resting on her face but Josie found she didn’t care, the mere act of glaring at Hope was enough. 

She saw Hope faking her own smile and moving her cart away from Josie’s. 

‘’Anyways’’ Josie added, once her cart was free. ‘’Have a lovely evening you two’’ 

She moved her cart and walked past Hope and Maya, not missing the way Hope eyed the four bottles on her cart with a concerned frown. 

* * *

Once again, her task was simple: pay for the stuff, go to the car and drive home. 

Yet once again, things didn’t go according to plan. She managed to do just two and a half things on that list. Said things being:

Paid for the stuff: checked.

Go to the car: also checked.

Drive home: not quite/ in the process of being checked. 

Josie had pulled over the car on one side of the road the moment her headache was just too hard to handle and the lights and brightness of the day were hurting her eyes, so much so that not even her sunglasses could save her anymore so she took them off. She kept embarrassingly flinching every time someone blew their car’s horn and her head just wouldn’t stop pounding. 

So the last thing of her plan: almost checked. 

She was currently leaning back on the driver’s seat. Eyes closed and both hands still on the wheel, trying to will the headache away so she could get back home, finally get something for it and then sleep it off when someone gently tapped the windows. 

She slightly opened her eyes and saw Hope standing in front of the driver’s seat window, furrowing her brow. Josie rolled down the windows just a bit and pursed her lips, already feeling the cold breeze entering her car.

‘’You’ve got to be kidding me’’ She sighed and went back to her original position on the seat.

‘’O-open the door f-for me’’ Hope asked, stuttering. ‘’I’m f-freezing h-here’’

Even though Josie would rather not be near her at the moment, she couldn’t let the Mikaelson girl standing out there in the cold. Actually, she found the idea of Hope freezing upsetting to her, so she immediately unlocked the car’s doors and a few seconds later, Hope opened the door and sat down on the passenger's seat, rubbing her hands. 

Josie rolled up the window and leaned back on her seat, closing her eyes and fighting the need to wince. ‘’Well, this isn’t awkward’’ She muttered, cracking an eye open to see Hope still rubbing at her hands but the back seats of the car were empty. ‘’Where’s Maya?’’

‘’I dropped her off at the station’’ Hope simply replied, still not turning around to look at Josie. 

Josie slightly laughed, regretting it afterwards when her head pounded a bit harder and she shut her eyes again. ‘’Why? Did she commit a crime? Are you playing cop now?’’

She felt more than she saw Hope turning around and staring at her. ‘’No’’ She grumbled. ‘’Her mom’s the Sheriff’’

‘’Right, didn’t see that one coming’’ She winced. 

‘’So’’ Hope started. ‘’I’m just gonna assume that parking at a one side of the road and looking like you’re dying is normal behaviour for you?’’ 

Josie just nodded. 

‘’That’s a pretty bad hangover’’ Hope observed. ‘’You seriously look like shit’’ 

_ That _ made Josie open her eyes and glare at her. ‘’No shit, really? Thank you for the reminder’’

Hope rolled her eyes. ‘’Have you taken anything for it?’’

Josie kept on glaring at Hope but in her glare, she was also observing Hope’s reddened cheeks and lips. The blue in her eyes stood out against all the white background caused by the snow. She swallowed before muttering. ‘’No’’

Hope glared back at her with just the same amount of intensity. ‘’Why?’’

Then Josie looked away, she didn’t want to admit it before, not even to herself, that the reason she hadn’t stopped to take something for her headache was because that might be her subtle and maybe unconscious way to punish herself for the way that she was indeed lashing out and almost yelling at everyone. She thought that maybe she deserved it by the way she was treating people.

She knew that she should stop thinking like that but the hangover and self-loathing that came with it were just not helping her case. 

‘’Josie…’’ And apparently, Hope could read all of that in her face if her tone of voice was any indication of such. ‘’Hold on’’

She then got out of the car only to come back a few seconds later carrying a little bag and a bottle of water in her hands. She searched in the bag for a moment until she took two pills and the water and offered them both to Josie. 

Josie raised an eyebrow, looking at the objects in Hope’s hands. ‘’I don’t want them’’

‘’Would you stop being stubborn for five seconds and take the goddamn pills? You obviously need them’’ She offered them once again. ‘’So please’’

Josie pouted and reluctantly took the pills and the bottle, looking intently at the pills. ‘’What are they?’’

Hope scoffed. ‘’Are you serious right now?’’ 

No, Josie wasn’t. She knew Hope would never intentionally harm her. But still, the bitterness wouldn’t entirely leave her system. 

Josie shook her head no and put the pills in her mouth. Then, she unclasped the water bottle and took a big sip. 

‘’Thank you, Hope’’ She softly whispered after awhile. Turning around to fully look at the auburn haired woman next to her. 

Hope definitely didn’t look like the teenager girl that used to be Josie’s girlfriend 5 years ago. Back then, Hope’s demeanor was different. Granted, she always carried herself with grace and elegance, Josie later learned that it was actually a thing in the Mikaelson’s family. Hope’s parents and each one of her aunts and uncles carried themselves as if they were royalty and Hope had also adopted and owned the gestures and mannerism as if it was her family’s signature. 

But either way, she used to seem lighter and quick to smile or make jokes. Quick to happiness and wonder. 

But now, even though her grace and elegance have just settled even more deeply, Josie could tell that there was something heaving on Hope’s shoulders. And yes, maybe the situation they were currently in made the both of them quick to anger instead of happiness, Josie couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else (besides their whole break-up drama) that was making the light in Hope’s eyes seem darker than how she remembered.

...It made her wonder again about what her mom almost said earlier that day: 

_ You don’t know? _

_ Know what? _

It made her heart stop aching for herself and her own heartbreak and start aching for the woman's sitting next to her.

Huh.

Hope was also staring at her, Josie noticed. And it seemed like the Mikaelson girl couldn’t stop her eyes from lingering too much on Josie either. But something was lingering on the air, something Josie knew it was a lie and broke her own heart the moment she said it: 

_ Maybe I don’t want to keep seeing you _ .

Hope cleared her throat and maybe sensing the same words floating around in the air, she looked away. 

‘’Right, well. I’ll leave now’’ She held her breath.

‘’No’’ Josie was quick to say. 

Hope tilted her head. ‘’Huh?’’

‘’I mean uh… Would you stay a little longer?’’ Now it was Josie the one looking away from Hope, her entire face flushed. ‘’It’s just… uh, I can’t drive right now. My head’s still killing me’’ 

Hope’s cheeks reddened once more and Josie loved and missed seeing that color. She missed being the one to bring it out. 

‘’Um, sure’’ She slowly nodded. ‘’I’ll just…’’ She awkwardly signaled the door and then got out. 

Josie got out of the car too, ignoring the cold while she rounded the car and Hope did the same. She saw Hope’s car parked right behind hers.

‘’What about your car?’’ Josie asked once they were inside the car again. 

‘’Oh, I can come back later with Lizzie’’ Josie frowned. ‘’Jo, it’s okay. No one’s going to be out in this cold so it’ll be safe here’’ 

Josie also ignored the way her heart jumped when she heard her nickname in Hope’s lips again. ‘’Okay then’’

* * *

The thing was: while they were in the grocery store and then taking a break from life parked at one side of the road, it had been snowing nonstop. 

Actually, it had been snowing nonstop since last night. 

So of course the roads would be closed by now. The snow was even thicker on the ground at this point. It was only logical that they would start closing the roads and not letting the cars pass through sometime soon. 

Still, it made Josie's slight headache now more prominent.

"Yes, I understand" Hope muttered, already frustrated with the cop she was currently talking with. "But what do you suggest we do, then? If all the roads are closed for the time being" She raised an eyebrow. 

Mystic Falls was quite a small town, yet not so small after all. They still closed the roads when they see that the snow is getting thicker, they still don't let anybody stay driving when that happened. 

They still couldn't walk back home without freezing to death first. 

"Well, there's a hotel in this block" He said, pointing to a building not far from where they were. "We've sent all the people that got stuck driving around this area there"

"A what now"?" Josie asked, annoyed. 

She  _ did not _ want to spend more time with Hope in a freaking hotel. 

"How long will it take for the roads to be clear again?"

"Maybe the whole night. I don't know, we'll start working on it as soon as the snow lets out so let's hope it's soon"

Hope turned around, looking at her with a carefully masked expression. "Are you okay with that?" Even her voice sounded guarded. 

When Hope used to get all careful and guarded with her words and actions, it was almost impossible for Josie to read her properly. Until of course, she learned how to. 

For example, even though Hope tried to mask her true emotions, she had nervous habits. Like now, slightly searching for something on Josie's eyes. As if she needed reassurance first. As if she was insecure about something. 

Some things never change.

Josie scrunched up her nose. "No. But it seems we don't have any other choice either" She rolled her eyes and leaned back on the seat.

* * *

"Are you guys together?" The receptionist asked with a bored and monotonous demeanor, not even looking up from typing something on her laptop. 

"No" 

"Yes"

Josie glared at Hope for a moment before drawing her eyes back to the receptionist. "She means no"

"No. I mean… yes?" Hope furrowed her brow. "Wait, huh?"

Josie chuckled and noticed the receptionist, which Josie could see in the name tag that her name was Anne, look up from her the laptop in front of her with an amused expression, like this was the first interesting thing she was witnessing in the whole day. 

The hotel wasn’t much, it seemed like a stop and rest kind of thing for people visiting the town. Josie scrunched up her nose at it when she first saw the lobby, but anyway it’ll do.

"I meant, do you guys come together?" She clarified her question, still amused.

"No" Josie repeated again, before Hope could say anything else. "We don't. I'd like to book a room, please"

"Alright…" Anne dragged out the word while she once again looked at the laptop's screen for hours. (It was only just a minute)

"Well, I only have left a double available. We're full thanks to the snow-"

"Great, I'll take-" Josie's eyes widened. "Did you just say only a double available?"

Anne slowly nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, I was just telling you. We're full today cause they're closing the roads so all the people that were coming back home for the holidays or were out and near here, got stuck for the time being" She shrugged. "I assume you're here for the same reason?"

"That's alright" Hope stepped in, flashing a beautiful and charming smile to the receptionist. "We'll take the room"

Josie immediately hated that smile directed towards someone else instead of her. And once that thought registered in her brain, she fought the urge to wince. She  _ did not _ need conflicted feelings. 

Also, they will  _ what now _ ?

"We will  _ what?" _ Josie remembered her outside voice. "I don't want to share a room with you"

Hope sighed frustratedly and turned around. "And do you think I want to share a room with you with the way you've been lashing out at me lately?"

Josie blinked and tilted her head. "Are you seriously blaming  _ me _ for simply reacting to suddenly stumble upon  _ you _ out of nowhere  _ after 5 years? _ " Hope actually winced and looked away from Josie. "Excuse me then, I surely didn't want to be the only one affected by it but oh well" She rolled her eyes.

Hope looked at her, offended. Then she sighed and apparently remembering her surroundings, she turned around and offered a sweet smile at Anne. 

Josie huffed and crossed her arms.

"I'm so sorry for that" She said with a sweet voice, her slight british accent even more noticeable. "We'll still take the room" 

"Are you serious?" Josie complained again, this time she made sure to keep her voice neutral. 

"Yes, Josette" Hope also made sure to even her voice into a neutral tone. "It's freaking snowing outside and the cold it's getting bad. I don't know about you but if they only have one room available and it happens to be a double, I'd rather take it and share with you instead of waiting outside in the cold"

Josie rolled her eyes again and fixated them on the ground, ignoring the way her heart was picking up speed and her stomach seemed to be filled with fucking butterflies. 

" _ Fine _ " She grumbled. 

She heard a chuckle and looked up, but it wasn't Hope. Hope was still staring at her as if she was upset. So the chuckled belonged to Anne. Who, Josie noticed, was very much amused by the entire situation.

They ended up paying for the room by splitting the bill and Anne gave them their room keys, not even erasing her amusement the entire time.

Josie was about to call her out on it when Anne muttered: "Oh! There's also an open bar today that way, if you guys are interested" 

Hope nodded and turned around. 

"It seems like you kind of need it" She added, directing her comment towards Josie.

Josie frowned and walked up the desk but before she could get any closer, Hope grabbed her hand and steered her away in the direction Anne said the bar would be. 

"She's the wrong person to take it all out on" She reminded Josie while leading her to the bar, still grabbing her hand. "Besides, don't make them ban us from an open bar" 

Hope pointedly looked at Josie before she let go of her hand. 

"Sure" Josie said coldly, walking past Hope and spotting the bar a few feet now. 

She heard Hope sighing behind her but she just kept walking. 

  
  


The bar wasn’t such a big deal either. Actually, the whole thing was boring and depressing. It didn’t help the fact that the music they were playing could make Josie fall asleep right on the spot. But Josie didn’t mind, as long as they had alcohol and it was free, she was okay with it. 

‘’Whiskey, please’’ She told the bartender and sat down on the stool, watching Hope do the same next to her. 

‘’Same for me’’ She added. 

The bartender nodded and went away.

Josie glanced at her for a second before drawing her eyes back to the room. There were some people all around sitting in sofas and lounge chairs. Talking to each other and seemingly just drinking and hanging out. 

Anne wasn’t lying when she said they were full. 

The bartender came back with a bottle and poured both of their drinks in front of them before once again going away. Josie sighed and softly smiled, taking her glass. 

‘’Are you sure you should be drinking again?’’ She heard Hope ask, a frown on her face.

Josie took a sip and nodded. ‘’Yes. It’s just a glass, I’m not planning on getting wasted again, it’s already bad as it is’’

Hope hummed and nodded. ‘’So all those bottles I saw you buying earlier aren’t for you then?’’

‘’One is mine’’ She shrugged. ‘’The rest are for my mom. I kind of took the two remaining bottles she had so she made me replace them’’

‘’So what you’re saying is that you were wasted when you texted me?’’ Hope said with a teasing smile. 

Josie pretended that the smile wasn’t making the butterflies go crazy in her stomach. Still, she couldn’t help feeling her cheeks heating up. ‘’Yeah’’ She cleared her throat. ‘’I was sort of wasted when I sent you that text… I’m sorry’’

Hope stared at her for a moment, her eyes softening into a sad look. ‘’That’s okay’’ She chuckled and glanced down to her glass. ‘’Believe it or not I... I actually thought you wanted to make it up to me’’ She cleared her throat and remained with her eyes on her glass. 

Josie felt her chest heaving with an intense amount of pressure. She did hate herself for making Hope cry, making her feel anything but what she used to only bring the other girl: happiness. 

And at that moment while having her inhibitions lowered down and her brain numb, maybe she was being sincere with her current emotions, maybe that was all that mattered. But now, without the fog of the alcohol numbing her brain, Josie couldn’t just ignore the fact that Hope broke her heart, she broke it and left Josie crying for days. 

These conflicted feelings were making her head also go crazy. She groaned in frustration, making Hope look up at her but her attention was quickly directed towards the guy approaching them with a nervous smile. 

‘’Hi there’’ He chuckled, greeting only Hope.

Josie scowled. 

‘’Hi?’’ Hope frowned. ‘’What can I help you with?’’ She asked, with what the guy would’ve thought was  _ politeness _ but Josie knew it was just  _ fake _ politeness.

‘’Can I buy you a drink?’’ He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Hope expectantly. 

‘’It’s an open bar today’’ She kept on frowning and then she gestured to her glass of whiskey in her hand. ‘’And no. I already have one, thanks’’ 

‘’Oh, right’’ He nodded. ‘’Well… Are you here for business or pleasure?’’ 

It was more of an instinct really. Josie was used to people  _ always  _ approaching Hope anytime they would go out and weren’t currently being all coupley. They would get closer to them and ask Hope for her number, say compliments, flirt with her and straight on just giving their numbers to Hope. 

She has always known how beautiful and attractive Hope was. Of course she did, how could she not? But, Josie couldn’t help other people noticing that fact as well. Hope attracted everyone’s attention every time she’d walk into a room. It was hell in high school really, having to remind everyone to back off, that Hope was  _ her _ girlfriend. So, it annoyed the hell out of Josie everytime that happened. 

So yeah, it was instinct when she rolled her eyes at the guy and glared at him. ‘’You know? She has a girlfriend, so would you show some respect and leave us alone? Thank you’’ 

The guy blinked, confused. ‘’Oh, um… Sorry. My bad’’ He cleared his throat. ‘’I’m sorry, have a nice night’’ She said before awkwardly waving at them and finally leaving them alone. 

Josie kept glaring at his retreating form until Hope cleared her throat next to her and she drew her eyes to Hope’s, noticing the amusement in her eyes. 

‘’Girlfriend?’’ She teased, raising an eyebrow.

Huh?

Josie tilted her head, confused. What-

Then, she remembered:  _ ‘’You know? She has a girlfriend, so would you show some respect and leave us alone?’’  _

Oh god. 

She felt her entire face hot and suddenly the ability to speak seemed like a foreign concept to her body. Josie nodded, going with the same thing that came to mind: ‘’Uh, yeah. Maya?’’ 

Hope hummed and narrowed her eyes, looking at Josie while sipping from her glass and not breaking eye contact. 

Josie nodded. ‘’Right, well… would you look at the time’’ She glanced at her wrist with no watch on it. Hope followed her gaze and smiled. ‘’I better go find our roo-  _ the  _ room. S-See you there?’’ 

She stood up from the stool and stepped back, waiting for Hope’s reply. Which, she took her time to give while staring intently at Josie. 

This time, Josie couldn’t even read her masked expression.

‘’Sure’’ Hope muttered after a little while, turning around in the stool and calling for the bartender again.

* * *

Once she got to the room, she immediately called her mom and let her know that she couldn’t get back home due to all the roads being closed for the night. Of course, she let the details of her company out of the conversation. Caroline and Lizzie didn’t need to know that, thank you. 

And after that task was done, Josie took a shower and marveled at the fact that this hotel had the decency of owning the good kind of shampoo and bodywash in this town. One small victory remains as a victory either way. 

Josie put on her red jumper and jeans again, leaving her coat and gloves in the coat rack next to the door and then she turned off the lights and laid down on the bed, trying to relax into it and already feeling the effects of the hangover finally wearing off.

But one thing kept bothering her though. She left Hope in the bar almost 2 hours ago and yet, the auburn haired girl hadn’t come up to their room just yet. 

Maybe she wouldn’t at all? What if that guy kidnapped her or something and she needed Josie’s help? Should Josie go back to the bar and look for her?

Josie kept replaying those questions and another similar ones in her head for a while until she heard the bedroom’s door slightly open up and a few seconds later, the bed faintly moving with the weight of someone else making their way on top of it. 

She swallowed and put both of her hands in her stomach, in fear of reacting on instinct again and stupidly reach out to Hope. She felt her heart hammering in her chest, so she took a deep breath but to no avail, she could hear and feel Hope’s breathing pattern, could feel her body heat next to Josie, could smell her perfume. 

...And the undoubtedly smell of alcohol as well.

Josie scrunched up her nose. ‘’Did you keep drinking?’’ 

‘’Yeah’’ Hope whispered. 

Josie’s thoughts went to earlier in the bar and that guy approaching Hope. What if other people approached her while Josie was gone? What if that was the reason Hope came to the room 2 hours late?

And why did Josie care? Hope could do whatever the hell she wanted. Right?

Right.

She uncomfortably adjusted her position on the bed and huffed, setting her eyes on the roof even if she could hardly see it in the dark. 

‘’Yes, Josie’’ Hope added in a careful tone of voice. ‘’Alone’’ 

She cleared her throat. ‘’If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would’ve asked you’’

She could feel Hope also moving on the bed, and was she getting closer to Josie now? ‘’You asked me, just not with words, Jo. Are you forgetting how well I know you?’’

‘’Right’’ Josie whispered, nervously fidgeting with her hands. ‘’Are you drunk?’’

‘’A little’’ Hope sighed. ‘’Not as drunk as you were last night, though. Far from it’’

‘’Um, cool’’ She swallowed, not knowing what to do with herself and not trusting herself either with having Hope so close to her now.

How the hell was she even going to spend the whole fucking night with her on the same bed?


	3. Chapter 3

Josie took a deep breath and started to anxiously drum her fingers on her stomach. 

It was too dark and too quiet in the room, the only sound Josie could hear was their breathing patterns and it was kind of making her go insane. 

Read kind of as in: definitely.

‘’Do you want me to sleep on the floor?’’ Hope whispered after a while of nothing but silence.

Josie fought the urge to jump because of it.

‘’No’’ She sighed, finally releasing the breath that she had been holding. ‘’I won't have you sleeping on some floor… We can share the bed just fine’’ She hesitated before adding: "Do you want  _ me _ to sleep on the floor?"

"No" Hope sighed too and then added: "Oh and for the record? Maya's not my girlfriend and has never been... She's just a friend"

"...Okay"

The room went back to the uncomfortable silence that was driving Josie insane, yet she didn’t want to do anything to make it stop. Making it stop meant talking and with the way that her chest felt so heavy, Josie wasn’t sure how well it could go. Could Hope listen to her erratic heartbeat? 

Then Hope interrupted the quiet again: ‘’Would you tell me if you get uncomfortable?’’ 

Josie was well aware of how her voice was small and careful, so her heart skipped a beat when the sound reached her ears.

‘’I’m already uncomfortable, Hope’’ She admitted, still anxiously drumming her fingers and trying to make her voice as natural as possible, as if it couldn't carry all of her true emotions. ‘’I’ve been uncomfortable the whole time’’

Josie felt some movements next to her and then she could tell that Hope had suddenly sat up, so she frowned and sat up as well, making sure to turn on the bedside lamp first before facing the auburn haired girl. Something about the darkness was bugging her, it felt like all the anxiety was hugging her and not letting her go. 

Though when she turned around on the bed so she could see Hope, Josie wished she was still surrounded by that unmistakably safety cloak that the darkness also provided them both with because once she saw the girl in front of her, her heart decided to stop beating altogether. 

Because just like the night before, the cautious and composed aura that Hope had been carrying around all day like a safety armor, had crumbled down again for Josie to see. 

She had taken off her coat and gloves, leaving only her green sweater and dark jeans on. Her hair seemed like she had just run her fingers through it many times and her cheeks and nose were flushed, but what made Josie fight the instant tears were Hope’s eyes. They were slightly red and glazed over, showing every bit of inner turmoil she might have. Showing every bit of insecurity and distress.

‘’Do you…’’ Hope swallowed and shut her eyes for a second ‘’Do you really not want to keep seeing me anymore? ...Do you really hate me that much?’’ 

Josie’s heart dropped (once again) the moment she heard Hope’s voice way too insecure and broken for her liking.

It was weird, getting to see the side of her that she didn’t show anyone else. The vulnerable and insecure side. Hope normally displayed anything but. 

‘’Please, Jo. Talk to me’’ Hope added, looking away when her eyes fully filled with tears now.

‘’Oh baby’’ Josie sighed, her own armor, discomfort and all of her walls finally crumbling and down dissolving as well. Honestly, keeping her distance had been killing her and she wanted nothing more than to reach out. ‘’Come here’’

So she did just that and got closer to Hope, hesitantly wrapping her in her arms and feeling her eyes starting to hurt and beg for the tears to finally be released. She marveled at how easy and familiar it all felt. Any trace of discomfort leaving her body as if it was never there in the first place.

‘’You don’t get it, do you?’’ She shut her eyes and fought with herself not to cry.

But how could Hope know? If Josie was realizing it just now. She could never hate her. Not after Hope being in her life for the majority of it. Not after Hope being her absolute best friend, support system and got to person for anything up until 5 years ago. Not after Hope being pretty much all of her firsts in life. Not even after Hope broke her heart and left it bleeding for a long, long time.

No. She could maybe resent her, but Josie could never hate her. 

So instead of keep blocking them out, she welcomed all of her conflicted feelings. All of them. Josie was tired of keeping them in check so she just let them be. Maybe, just for tonight, she didn’t need to keep pretending to ‘’hate’’ the girl in her arms.

‘’I wish I could say that I hate you’’ She sadly smiled at her own realization. ‘’But I can’t’...I think you don’t understand the hold you have on me’’

Josie felt Hope wrapping her own arms around her and securely tightening their hug. As if she was scared that if she let go, Josie would disappear in her arms.

Josie swallowed and closed her eyes while sensing and focusing on the unstable pattern of Hope’s breathing. And it wasn’t doing anything but to make hers synchronize and the butterflies in her stomach go even more crazy now.

‘’But you have to understand that I thought I’d never see you again’’ She whispered right next to Hope’s ear. ‘’So seeing you, touching you, being near you again after  _ 5 fucking years _ of nothing but memories-’’ She felt a tear escaping her eye. ‘’It’s fucking me up’’ 

Hope took a deep breath and gently pushed them both back to the mattress, not letting go of her hold on Josie. They ended up with their legs tangled and Josie's head on the crook of Hope’s neck.

So she lifted herself off just a bit and stared at Hope, her gaze softening when she saw the other girl's gentle but clouded eyes staring back at her.

"I just don't know how to stop my heart from aching’’ She admitted, feeling herself becoming way too vulnerable for her own good. ‘’How to stop myself from reacting to you’’

Josie saw how Hope glanced down to her lips and then licked her own. ‘’So don’t’’ She whispered, but Josie frowned in confusion. ‘’Don’t stop reacting to me, that is’’

‘’Hope…’’

‘’What you said earlier, about being the only one affected…’’ She shyly bit a corner of her lip. ‘’Do you really think that I'm not affected to see you again?" 

She raised her eyebrows but Josie couldn't summon the words to answer her, couldn't do more than just stare at the other girl's eyes and get lost in their storm.

"Do you really think that this is not killing me?" Josie gently wiped away another tear from Hope's eyes. "Knowing that you're angry with me… Worse, that you're hurting because of me?"

Something tightened in Josie's stomach when she heard the quiet sob and saw more tears fill up Hope's eyes. 

"Because it is, Josie. I'm not- I can't-"

"Shh baby, it's okay" She whispered, burying her face in the crook of Hope's neck again and bringing her fingers to Hope's collarbone, drawing invisible and soothing patterns there. "It's okay baby"

"No" She sighed, squeezing her hold on Josie. "No. It's not okay" 

Josie pressed her lips to Hope's neck, leaving a long and reassuring kiss there. "I know" She pouted, stilling her fingers on her collarbone and then letting her palm rest flat on top of Hope's chest, right where her heart would be. 

"I never meant to hurt you" She breathed heavily against Josie's palm "It was never supposed to be this way"

"Why… Why did you though?"

Josie was nervous out of her mind to ask those questions, and she truly didn't know if she wanted to hear the answers to them. 

But hearing the why might just give her mind a little peace after 5 years asking and torturing herself with no way of actually knowing the truth.

‘’Wait, what wasn’t?’’

More tears filled up Hope's eyes and she shut her eyes. Josie knew she had gone too far with her questions judging by Hope's reaction.

"Let’s just let it be okay for tonight, yeah?" She started rubbing Hope's chest soothingly "…I-I think we both need it"

"Can we forget about everything just for tonight?" 

Josie felt Hope's erratic heart beating and unstable breathing pattern so she lifted herself up again. She stared at Hope's lips before drawing her eyes back to hers. They were still clouded but at least there were no more tears. 

Maybe she’ll get the truth tomorrow.

"Of course, baby"

Josie saw Hope licking her lips again before surging forward and pressing them against Josie's.

The kiss was closed-mouthed and completely innocent, but Josie didn't react to it right away. Her body froze for the first few seconds until she felt Hope's lips slightly moving against hers, as if asking for permission, as if looking for comfort, as if saying sorry, as if letting Josie know  _ something _ . Her arms, which had loosened their hold on Josie, went back to tightly hug her around her waist.

Josie let it happen until she started moving her lips as well, setting a gentle and hesitant rhythm for a few seconds. As if it was the first time kissing Hope, she had to remind herself.

It was though, after so long since their last kiss. It definitely was.

And it had to be, because if she let herself be carried away, her lips and entire body might just react to muscle memory and now was not the time. They were both vulnerable. This was just for comfort and Josie didn't want to take advantage of it. 

It seemed that Hope was also thinking the same thing because she broke the kiss off with a small kiss on Josie's nose.

Josie opened her eyes to see Hope shyly smiling and looking at her through her dampened eyelashes. Even with the dimmed lights, she could see how deeply flushed her cheeks were.

Josie couldn't help but think that Hope might just have ruined everyone else for her. Because no one but Hope was ever this real, this honest with her emotions when she let all guards down. No one but Hope had ever made her feel so loved just by looking at her.

"Would you hold me until I fall asleep?" Hope whispered. She brushed her nose against Josie's for a few seconds. 

Josie smiled, feeling her entire face heated up. She nodded and reached out to turn the bedside lamp off before they readjusted themselves on the bed so that Josie ended up spooning Hope and burying her face on the crook of her neck once again.

She felt Hope sighing and their hearts' rhythm going back to a steady, calm one. 

_ I'd hold you forever if you just let me. _

* * *

_ "Hope! Stop!" Josie shrieked between laughs. "Stoooop!" She laughed even more loudly when Hope just kept attacking her waist with her fingers. _

_ "Excuse me Miss, I didn't know you were this ticklish" She giggled. _

_ "Of course you knew. You always do this!" She shrieked again and Hope just laughed.  _

_ They had been spread out on Josie’s bed with books all around them and studying for the upcoming weeks of exams. But after 2 hours of reading and taking notes and reviewing book after book, they inevitably got tired of it and set the books aside and laid down on the bed instead, tiredly looking at the ceiling.  _

_ It had started with quick banters back and forth but Josie kept making Hope speechless with her comebacks so Hope decided that was enough and because she knew her girlfriend was ticklish, she rapidly came to the conclusion that there was no other way of winning this bickering thing they had going on. _

_ ‘’Okay, I’ll stop’’ She giggled.  _

_ True to her word, she did stop her attack and stilled her fingers but kept them on Josie’s bare waist and then sat on top of her. Straddling her lap. _

_ Josie gasped and her entire face blushed. Even if they had been dating for quite a while now, Josie couldn’t help feeling nervous every time Hope did that out of nowhere.  _

_ She brought her hands to Hope’s waist and kept them there, loving the weight of Hope on top of her, loving how she slipped her fingers inside of Hope’s shirt and started caressing the soft skin there.  _

_ ‘’You can’t ticklish me every time so you’d win anything’’ She giggled and then bit her lip. _

_ Hope’s eyes darkened and she smirked. ‘’Who says I can’t?’’ _

_ ‘’Me’’ _

_ ‘’And who are you?’’  _

_ ‘’Your girlfriend’’ Josie pouted. Yeap. She could’ve sworn her entire face was just a tomato by now.  _

_ Hope licked her lips and lowered herself down on top of Josie, crossing her arms on top of Josie’s chest and resting her chin there. ‘’Oh, my apologies’’ She blinked and faked a perfectly well practiced british accent. ‘’If my beautiful girlfriend says that I cannot than I shall not’’  _

_ Josie playfully rolled her eyes. ‘’You’re such a dork sometimes’’ _

_ Hope pouted. ‘’But you love me’’ She kept the accent, making Josie slightly giggle again. ‘’Do you not?’’ _

_ ‘’With every beat of my heart’’ Josie whispered, knowing that it was a way too corny thing to say but still, she delighted in the way that Hope’s cheeks reddened and her smile made her eyes look like two little half moons.  _

_ She tucked a hair behind Hope’s ear and kept her palm resting against her cheek. Hope leaned into the touch and her eyelids slightly dropped close. ‘’You seriously need to stop with the tickling me thing, we won’t spend the rest of our lives with you winning every argument because you know I’m ticklish’’  _

_ Suddenly Hope’s eyes shot open and her face took a more serious expression. ‘’The rest of our lives?’’ _

_ Josie’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t mean to say that out loud but now that she did, she couldn’t help but panic. It was way too embarrassing when Hope thought that she was about to propose to her with the little white box thing last winter. But apparently, she couldn’t keep herself from bringing things like this up.  _

_ Although, it wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about it. Everytime she looked at her mom and Stefan being so in love, she knew that she wanted to have that for herself too for the rest of her life. And she wanted that with Hope. She was sure they already had it just like she was sure that Hope could also notice it. It was an unspoken thing between them, the ‘’We will always have this. We will always have us’’  _

_ The thing was to actually acknowledge it out loud, though. Cause even if Josie could be certain that Hope knew it just as she did, it was nerve-wracking to talk about all that stuff. _

_ Josie cleared her throat ‘’Um, yeah?’’ She raised her eyebrows, fighting the urge to shut her eyes close in embarrassment.  _

_ Hope’s gaze softened and adopted a somewhat nostalgic look. ‘’And how would the rest of our lives be, Jo?’’  _

_ ‘’Together’’ Josie answered in a heartbeat, but actually shut her eyes close in embarrassment this time when Hope chuckled, amazed. ‘’I-I m-mean, if that’s what you want’’ _

_ She noticed how Hope’s eyes were glazed over and her entire demeanor changed into a nostalgic, guarded one.  _

_ Huh.  _

_ She decided not to comment on it, though.  _

_ ‘’That’s exactly what I want’’ She breathly whispered and surged forward to desperately and roughly capture Josie’s lips in hers. _

_ Josie softly moaned into the kiss and felt Hope smiling against her before pulling Josie’s lower lip. However, before their lips touched again, loud knocks on her door made the both of them jump. _

_ Almost making Josie have a heart attack. _

_ ‘’Lovebirds!’’ More knocks on the door, as if Lizzie wanted to make sure that they heard the first already loud enough ones. ‘’Get dressed asap! Mom’s parking in the driveway right now and you know the rules. Open the door unless you want Hopey here to not let herself barge into the house for a week’’  _

_ She knocked once again, and again, and again, and again. _

_ ‘’We get it, Liz’’ Josie yelled. ‘’Go away’’ _

_ ‘’Hopey you owe me one!’’ Lizzie shouted again. _

_ ‘’Go away!’’ Hope shouted back before laughing and burying her face in Josie’s neck. She left quick kisses there until she lifted herself up and kissed the top of Josie’s nose, making her scrunch it up.  _

_ ‘’What a way to kill the mood’’ Josie rolled her eyes and wriggled herself from Hope to fix her shirt before opening the door.  _

* * *

Josie sighed and smiled contentedly. Somewhere in the night, the cold somehow intensified just a bit but Josie couldn’t care less. The bed was way too warm and cozy to care about anything else. She hadn’t slept this good in a long, long time. 

The only thing currently annoying her: it was too fucking bright to be comfy anymore, so Josie shut her eyes close and buried her face deeper into-

Hair?

She slightly opened her eyes and squinted them due to all the clarity, but the first thing she noticed was auburn hair shining in red thanks to the sunlight peeking through the windows. She also noticed that her hand was currently clenching Hope’s warm stomach with hers on top of it and their fingers almost intertwined. 

Josie swallowed hard and tried to move her hand out of the grasp but in doing so, Hope stirred awake and yawned, squeezing Josie’s hand afterwards and softly turning around so she could look at Josie. 

‘’Hi babe’’ She whispered with a soft smile. ‘’How did you sleep?’’ 

Hope also squinted her eyes when she directly faced the sunlight filtered through the windows but remained staring at Josie with a soft, lazy smile.

Josie’s heart mercilessly picked up speed and she pretended that she wasn’t dying right there on the spot. She pretended that the butterflies in her stomach were just hunger and not her instant reaction to the pet name delivered so sweetly and effortlessly. She pretended that her heart wasn’t currently going crazy with that smile. She pretended that her mind wasn’t also going crazy because she was grasping Hope’s bare stomach and the need to go higher or lower wasn’t there. And she pretended she didn’t feel the urge to suddenly feel that smile against her lips once more in what seemed like forever.

So instead, she cleared her throat and looked away. She couldn’t help the blush though. ‘’Great’’ She sighed. Then looking directly into Hope’s eyes that were also shining with the sun: ‘’It’s the best I’ve ever slept in quite a while’’ 

Hope’s smile grew impossible bigger and Josie decided that was enough her heart could bear so this time, she retreated her hand from Hope and sat up. 

It wasn't dark anymore. They didn't have the safety and delicacy of the night to protect them anymore, to blame it all upon. And Josie was painfully aware of that now. 

Last night she stopped pretending to hate the girl in front of her. Lowered her walls and stopped all pretenses, just let herself be. Let her feelings act instead of her brain. But now? Josie couldn't quite ignore the elephant in the room, couldn't quite forget all the heavy bags they carried.

Even if she was still dying to go back to bed and wrap Hope in her arms again and not letting her go. Not again. After all, whatever bed she was in, it always felt the warmest  _ -she always felt the warmest _ \- if she had Hope on it with her.

And Josie would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss it, that she hadn’t looked for that warmth in other people before.

"Hey" Hope also sat up and rubbed both of Josie's shoulders with her hands, soothing the building tension. "Are you okay?"

Josie cleared her throat. Hope's touch was doing nothing more than to make it even more difficult for her to breathe. "I'm fine"

She gently got up from the bed and turned around, trying not to get too caught up in the sight of Hope's hair shining in red and her eyes lighter than they were last night.

"Are you?" 

She frowned. "Yeah but-"

"Cool, cool" She interrupted, going to the window. "It's stopped snowing" 

"That's great-"

"We should probably go and find out if we can leave already" She said, looking for her boots now.

" _ Josie _ " Hope frustratedly sighed.

Josie turned around once more, boots in hands and a pout on her mouth.

"Yeah?"

"Look at me" 

It took her a little while to draw her eyes back to the auburn haired girl’s but when she did, she found that the lightness she had seen earlier had already gone away to give room to the, by now, already familiar clouded one. It was if Hope was searching for something within Josie's eyes.

Josie swallowed and looked away. "We should probably leave" 

She looked back at Hope, but Hope masked her expression in a second. Still, she could tell the hurt in her eyes when she saw Josie closing up. Those damn eyes had never been able to fool her.

"Yeah, okay. Let's go" She nodded before getting up as well.

They moved around the room in silence, as if they'd done it a thousand times before. 

And they had. Many and many times before when they used to have sleepovers and then, when they started dating and their parents wouldn't allow the sleepovers to happen that much, either Hope or Josie used to sneak out into each other's bedrooms at night. 

Once they were ready, they got out of the room and noticed other people getting out of theirs as well and going down to the lobby. Undoubtedly for the same reason as them:

See if the roads were finally clear. 

So they just followed along until the small group were all gathered together at the lobby and the receptionist monotonously announced that they were indeed clear, and they were free to go whenever they wanted. 

"Oh you've got to be kidding me" Hope grumbled next to her and crossed her arms.

"What are you complaining about? The roads are clear"

"I don't mean that" She rolled her eyes and then huffed.

"Huh?"

She quickly got out of her little confusion when she heard the: "Hey Jojo" reach her ears and her eyes widened.

Josie watched Hope harden her jaw, but she turned around when she felt a tap on her shoulder. 

"What? You already forgot about me?" 

Penelope smirked knowingly and went in for a hug that Josie took a while to reciprocate thanks to her shock, but once that went away, she wrapped her arms around the shorter girl for a moment until someone slightly cleared their throat behind her and Josie reminded herself, letting go of Penelope's hold with an eye roll.

She fought the urge to glare at Hope.

Penelope on the other hand didn't, and she shamelessly glared at her before giving her a fake smile and drawing her attention back to Josie. 

"I seriously cannot believe my eyes right now" She giggled.

"Me neither" Josie smiled warmly. "I thought you said you'd never come back to Mystic Falls ever again"

"Well, my dad and brothers still live here so" She shrugged. "Sometimes my mom and I come home for the holidays"

"That’s nice. It makes me glad that I came back home too, then" Josie's smile didn't falter.

For only this part, she truly meant it though. Penelope had gone away to Belgium with her mom months before their high school graduation with no intention of coming back to Mystic Falls in her near future. 

And as far as Josie knew, she remained there.

So of course, Josie's complete avoidance of the town for the last 5 years, she had no way of knowing about Penelope's whereabouts. They didn't exactly keep in touch after she went away.

So that was at least a good reason to be glad about being home, right? 

She wholeheartedly ignored the part of her brain that added:  _ And being able to be with Hope again you dumbass. _

Josie noticed Penelope's eyes travelling all over her body (she hadn't yet put her coat on) and then the raven haired girl smirked at her. 

"Me too" Her smile widened. "My goodness Josie, you might just have gotten even more gorgeous throughout the years" She added casually.

But Josie knew her, and it awfully looked a lot like she wanted to stir things up. Josie nervously swallowed and noticed Hope standing a little bit too closer to her now, still quiet and observing the whole interaction with a frown on her face. 

"Thanks Pen" But then she eyed the other girl and noticed that her raven hair was longer and tied up in a ponytail. Her face was clear of any of the makeup she used to wear and it made her look younger. Though at the same time, more mature and serious. She no longer looked like the  _ always looking for trouble teenager _ that Josie remembered. 

"You might be even more beautiful than I remember" She offered kindly.

Penelope raised an eyebrow and glanced at Hope for a moment before looking back at Josie. "Ballsy" She smirked. "Careful Jojo, I don't want Hope here to remember why she hates me"

Forget that, Josie thought that Penelope might just always be looking for trouble.

"I don't need a reminder" Hope said, her voice heavier with the accent and colder in her tone.

Josie rolled her eyes. "We're good’’ She warned ‘’Please don't ruin the morning" 

Hope blinked at her, confused or possibly offended when Penelope's chuckle took their attention from each other. 

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hope snarked and lifted her chin.

" _ Hope _ " Josie scolded again. 

Hope just shrugged but remained with her arms crossed and jaw hardened. 

So Josie pursed her lips at her and turned back to Penelope. ‘’I’m sorry for that’’ 

‘’Nah, that's okay. I guess that’s none of my business’’ 

‘’Yeah, you’re right. It isn’t’’ Hope said before rolling her eyes. 

Penelope narrowed her eyes at her and offered a very sweet and  _ very _ fake smile. ‘’You know Hope, little advice here? Whatever issue you may have with Jojo right now... I’m telling you: It’s not worth it and you know that’’

Something painfully tightened in Josie’s stomach after that and she avoided Hope’s eyes at all cost.

‘’What makes you think that I need advice from you?’’

‘’Well...’’ Josie darkly chuckled. ‘’I don’t know about you but I think you might’ve needed that advice years ago, don’t you think?’’

Hope glared at her now, raising an eyebrow. Josie swallowed, leveling her stare with the same intensity.

Josie heard Penelope muttering: ‘’What do you mean?’’ 

But she didn’t look away from Hope’s eyes when she answered: ‘’Well, we broke up years ago’’ 

‘’And she still hasn’t told me why’’ She muttered under her breath. Still set on finally finding out why Hope broke up with her.

Hope’s  _ It was never supposed to be this way _ , ringing in her head.

So she saw the exact moment both comments registered on Hope’s brain and made her wince and look away. 

Josie pretended that her heart didn’t break for the thousandth time and plastered a fake smile on. ‘’So yeah, thank you for the advice Pen. But you’re 5 years late’’

* * *

_ ‘’Ugh’’ Hope grumbled and dropped her head on the desk, laying on top of her notebooks. ‘’I can’t wait to stop studying math’’  _

_ Josie lightly chuckled at her girlfriend’s adorableness and tilted her head. ‘’Few more days and we’re free’’ She sang happily.  _

_ They were currently in the library of the school. It was their free period of the day and Josie had dragged them both there so they could study for the math test they would be having next Monday.  _

_ ‘’No. I’ll probably study math for the rest of my life. I won’t ever be free’’ She groaned again as if that was already decided for her and it was the most painful thing her girlfriend would experience in her entire life.  _

_ Josie smiled again at how damn adorable Hope could be but then she frowned when a thought wildly appear in her head: _

_ ‘’Do you already know what you want to study after highschool?’’ _

_ They haven’t talked about that yet, have they? _

_ No, no they haven’t. Josie would’ve remembered. _

_ ‘’What?’’ _

_ Josie repeated her question and Hope lifted her head from the notebooks just a bit so that she could look at Josie. Her eyes were tired and as if she hadn’t been sleeping well. Something that Josie had been noticing more and more lately. But she just assumed that it was because all of the studying they’ve been doing.  _

_ ‘’No’’ Hope shook her head. ‘’I mean, I don’t know’’ She shrugged and went back to bury her face in the crook of her arm. _

_ ‘’What would you like to study after highschool?’’  _

_ Hope froze and Josie couldn’t help but think that she seemed kind of nervous with this new question. _

_ ‘’Not math’’ She simply said.  _

_ ‘’What, then?’’ Josie insisted. _

_ ‘’Why are we talking about this?’’ She carefully asked, keeping her voice neutral. _

_ But Josie knew that whenever Hope did that, it meant that something was bothering her and she wanted to appear unaffected by it.  _

_ ‘’Why can’t we?’’ Josie frowned again.  _

_ This was weird.  _

_ Hope shrugged but remained silent for the next couple of minutes that Josie thought she wouldn’t talk again when Hope lifted her head just a bit, so only her eyes were visible.  _

_ Josie looked up from her notebook and stared at Hope, noticing how red and glazed over her eyes were now.  _

_ ‘’Art...’’ She whispered. _

_ She smiled and nodded, encouraging her girlfriend to keep talking and stopping herself from frowning in concern when she looked at Hope’s eyes. _

_ ‘’I’d like to study Art’’ Hope continued. ‘’New York has this program about Art that I've been looking at recently… And I thought it’d be nice to study something that I actually love’’  _

_ It’d be nice to study something that I actually love… Her choice of words worried Josie, but she decided not to comment on it because at hearing New York, her heart started jumping happily, erasing those thoughts for the time being.  _

_ ‘’Really?’’ Hope nodded. ‘’I’ve been looking at New York too! It has this program about music…’’ She grew nervous when she saw how adorably Hope was looking at her now. ‘’Which I’m fully interested in" _

_ Hope furrowed her brow and buried her face in her arm once more. making Josie reach out to her and softly touch her hand. _

_ ‘’Are you okay babe?’’  _

_ Hope sat up straighter then and intertwined her fingers with Josie’s. But Josie’s attention was on how her girlfriend was currently struggling not to cry.  _

_ ‘’Yeah, Jo… I’m fine. It-It’s just stress’’ She nodded and supported her head on her hand. ‘’Tell me, how would our lives in New York be if we moved there?’’  _

_ Josie’s stomach tightened at the sight, so she stood up from the chair that was in front of her and sat down on the one right next to her. She intertwined their fingers again and started rubbing soothing patterns on Hope’s forearm. _

_ She wasn’t entirely convinced by Hope’s answer though, and made a mental note of questioning Hope later in the day about all of this. But for now, Josie knew that her girlfriend was asking for a nice and pretty distraction so that was what she delivered.  _

_ Still, it didn’t fail to make her heart ache seeing Hope like this and her mind be filled with so many questions.  _

_ ‘’Well, I’m thinking that we should look for an apartment all for ourselves first…’’ _

* * *

It felt disturbingly familiar to be near Hope again.

And why disturbing you may ask? 

Even after all those years being far away from her and not knowing anything about Hope, even after time had erased all trace of her from her life, erased the feeling of her touch on her skin, the scent that sometimes used to make her turn around and check if Hope was nearby, even if it had blurred the details about her… Now it was all  _ there _ .  _ All around. Everywhere. _

And it didn’t matter if they had spent 5 years or a lifetime apart. It all felt familiar. It felt nice and easy. Even their banters felt safe because she knew it was Hope she was bickering with. Not a stranger. Not someone she just met. But Hope. The girl that used to be her best friend first and girlfriend later. What was 5 years apart when they had spent more years than that together?

So yeah, disturbingly familiar. Disturbing in the way that it also brought all of memories, all of her feelings, all of her unanswered questions to the surface. The  _ why why why why why _ she had asked so many times before. 

The  _ It was never supposed to be that way _ .

‘’What wasn’t supposed the be that way?’’

‘’Huh?’’ 

They were driving back to their houses and had been in silence for the most part. But this silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It just lingered. 

‘’What wasn’t supposed to be that way?’’ Josie repeated, firmer this time.

Hope just tilted her head but didn’t take away her eyes from the road. She glanced at Josie once to let her know her confusion and then her eyes went back to the road.

‘’Last night you said that it wasn’t supposed to be that way’’ She clarified, fidgeting with her hands in her lap.

‘’Oh’’ Hope nodded once and pursed her lips. 

After a while of more lingering silence and the realization that Hope wasn’t going to answer, Josie frowned. ‘’Well?’’

‘’Well… What?’’ She furrowed her brow, as if she was truly confused.

Josie rolled her eyes, knowing all too well Hope’s evasive tactics. ‘’I’m still waiting for an answer’’

Hope shook her head. ‘’Just let it be Josie’’

Josie groaned and leaned back on the seat, bringing a hand to her eyebrow and massaging the tension ‘‘You don’t get to break up with me after all that time and not tell me why’’ She calmly pointed out, not having the energy anymore to start another fight.

She saw how Hope gripped the steering wheel a bit harder and tried to control herself ‘’Let it be please’’

‘’Are you serious right now?’’ She chuckled, rolling her eyes. ‘’Don’t you know how hard it’s been not knowing why?’’

‘’I know, alright?’’ Hope sighed. Josie could tell that she was also tired of fighting. ‘’I know... It hasn't been easy for me either’’

‘’But why can’t you just tell me why?’’ She insisted and couldn’t help her eyes from glazing over with her next words. ‘’Did I do something wrong?’’ 

Hope glanced at her for a moment but it was enough for Josie to see how red and tired her eyes were, how  _ hurt,  _ ‘’Listen to me, you  _ never _ did something wrong ok?’’ She frowned and then added in a sigh: ‘’You’re perfect’’

She angrily wiped a tear out of her eye and pouted, choosing to remain in silence while Hope rounded the corner of the street and then parked in the driveway of her house. Not once looking at her.

‘’Well...’’ Josie sighed. ‘’Apparently not enough to make you stay’’ She shrugged and without glancing back at Hope, she got out of the car and shut the door. 

  
  
  


The moment she entered her house, Lizzie snatched her away and led Josie to her room. 

‘’You spent the night with Hope!’’ She accused her, avoiding all courtesy and wasting no time. 

‘’Not by choice though’’ Josie said, walking back to lay on Lizzie’s mattress and stare at the ceiling. It was 9am and Josie was already too tired to function right. 

She felt Lizzie sit down at her side. ‘’Did she kidnap you? Do I need to go talk to her about boundaries?’’

Josie laughed. ‘’No. She didn’t kidnap me. The roads were closed so we got stuck’’ 

‘’So you spent the night with your ex-girlfriend’’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘’Because that’s such a great idea’’ 

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. ‘’It was the worst idea’’ 

Her brain on the other hand said:  _ It was everything I longed for. _

‘’Oh my god! Did you have sex?!’’ Lizzie asked, scandalized. 

Josie glared at her sister. ‘’No! We didn’t have sex. What’s wrong with you?’’

‘’Well, excuse me for pointing the most  _ logical _ explanation as to what would happen if you spent the night at a hotel with your ex!’’

Josie groaned and brought her hands to her face. 

‘’So what did you do all night?’’ Lizzie frowned.

‘’Talk, cry…’’ She winced. ‘’We did kiss though’’ 

Lizzie shrieked. ‘’You  _ just _ kissed? What the hell? That’s even worse than having sex!’’ 

Josie sat up and frowned at Lizzie. ‘’How is that worse than sex? It was literally just a kiss and it didn’t go any further than that!’’

Lizzie looked at her as if she was an ignorant child. ‘’Because, dearest sister of mine, having sex it’s understandable. It’s a bed. It’s a hotel. It’s your ex. You can just blame it on the heat of the moment but feelings don’t  _ necessarily _ have to be involved. Now, if you tell me that you  _ just kissed, _ what does  _ that _ look to you?’’

‘’I know how it looks like, Liz’’ She groaned. 

Josie brought her hands to her eyes and pressed her palms against them. ‘’But whatever it was, it doesn’t matter. She broke up with me and never told me why. She  _ still _ refuses to tell me why’’

Lizzie stayed oddly in silence and Josie removed a hand, watching her sister warily. ‘’What do  _ you _ know?’’

Lizzie looked back at her and frowned. ‘’I don’t know anything’’ She huffed. ‘’I wish I did so I can kick her ass. Do you know how many times I comforted you because she didn’t have the decency to come back and properly break up with you?’’ 

Josie narrowed her eyes at her. 

‘’I swear!’’ She stood up, offended. ‘’I only know what you know. She went to London with her parents and never came back’’ 

* * *

_ Josie didn't even blink when the door of her room suddenly opened and a few seconds later, gentle and warm arms surrounded her neck. She later felt a pair of lips kissing her neck as hello until Hope moved around the chair to sit on Josie's lap.  _

_ "Hello to you too" Josie smiled, encircling her arms around Hope's waist and putting her chin on top of the other girl's shoulder.  _

_ "What are we looking at?" She motioned to the laptop in front of Josie.  _

_ "Oh! I wanted to show you this actually. Remember the other day when we were talking about the schools in New York?" _

_ She felt Hope tense and slightly nodding. "What about them?" _

_ Josie frowned at her girlfriend's sudden change in demeanor, so she lifted her head and stared at Hope until Hope noticed and stared back at her.  _

_ Her eyes were too tired, she seemed too tired and like she was carrying the world around her shoulders.  _

_ It worried Josie.  _

_ "You okay?" She whispered.  _

_ Hope nodded and pecked her lips. "Just tired" She weakly smiled. "Now tell me what you found"  _

_ Josie frowned, her stomach tightening and her gut telling her that something was up. Still, she told Hope all about the Art and Music programs she had been reading about for the last couple of hours, hoping that Hope would eventually interrupt her and finally tell her what was going on and why she seemed so tired as of sudden.  _

_ Such thing didn't happen.  _

_ Hope just kept zoning out and retreating back to herself the entire time.  _

* * *

What was left of friday was uneventful and saturday came and was leaving with an uneventful note as well. 

The only good thing about Saturday so far was that Stefan finally came home earlier in the morning and Josie had the chance to finally sit down next to him and just chat. 

She missed that. Normally, they both would spend hours talking about everything and anything without the two of them noticing the time. 

It was nice, and Josie needed the distraction.

But distractions last for so long and before she knew it, it was already nightfall and Josie was on the front porch of her house looking for a scarf that she dropped a few hours ago. 

It was freezing, so she hugged herself and kept looking around but no sign of it. 

Although, what she did find was Hope and Maya getting out of Hope's car and making their way towards Hope's house. 

They looked like they were engrossed in a conversation so Josie just kept on staring. 

They made it to Hope's house but only Maya got inside, Hope walked back to her car as if forgetting something and looking for it. 

Once she found it inside the car, she smiled and shut the door but her eyes landed upon Josie and the smile quickly dropped. She furrowed her brow and tilted her head. 

Josie swallowed and remained staring and hugging herself when the front door opened. 

"Sweetie what are you doing out here in the cold?" Caroline asked, drawing her eyes to what Josie was looking at. She noticed Hope on the driveway of her house and slightly sighed. "Everything okay?"

Josie nodded and noticed Hope staring between her and Caroline until she turned around and walked back to her house. 

"Yeah, mom" Josie turned around to fully face Caroline now. "Actually, have you seen my scarf? I can't find it anywhere"

Caroline frowned and Josie  _ knew _ her mom wasn't buying the  _ everything okay _ part.

"Yeah, I got it a while ago" She said, still frowning, still looking at Josie with that mom stare. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

But if Josie knew anything about her mom, was that once she triggered Caroline's sixth sense, she wouldn't be getting out of the hook sometime soon. So, she decided to at least give her something that's been bugging her since yesterday. 

"Actually no..." She started. "I'm sorry for the way I almost lashed out at you yesterday’’

Caroline’s gaze softened. ‘’That’s alright, sweetie’’

‘’Yeah, you didn’t know I’d be here so...’’ She shrugged. ‘’But I still don’t understand why you keep inviting her mom. Every holiday for the last three years, why is that?’’

Caroline pursed her lips and crossed her arms. ‘’There’s a lot you don’t know’’

‘’And you do?’’

She shivered. ‘’It’s getting too cold’’ She turned around and headed to the front door. ‘’Let’s go inside’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would like to add that english is not my first language so if you saw something weird with my grammar or semantics, no you didn't<3


End file.
